Don't diminish your progress. You've been through things that would have crippled many people, and you're still standing. Beaten, yes, but broken? Not at all.
You are so very much stronger than you know. Just the fact that you are able to admit to your damage puts you so far ahead of most people that they are in the dust.
You need to hang out with Mowgli. She is an expert on damage and survival, and I think you would benefit from time with her.