bloodsong1 | Shades of a Promise

Windsong was walking through a park. She had to meet someone, but couldn't find them. Children's laughter echoed through the air. Was it by the fountain or by the stand of trees? She couldn't remember. The fountain. It was the logical choice. Too many stands of trees in this park. She walked over to the fountain and sat on the edge. Mottled koi chased each other around the basin. Odd. Weren't koi supposed to live in a pond?

"It's a dream, silly. Just enjoy the fish." She reminded herself.

"Wind Song."

"Yes?" She turned to the voice. Someone was walking towards her. A blue-skinned, white-haired female, with pointy ears, dressed in a dark brown jumpsuit came around the fountain. Windsong frowned.

"Riane?"

"Yes."

"What the...how the hell did you get into my dream?"

"You called me."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

Windsong frowned. Arguing in dreams was arguing with yourself. There was no point. Unless...

"Riane, are you...really here? In my mind?"

"I can if you want me to be."

"NO." Windsong shook her head. "I'm here to think, not to listen to you harp at me. Shoo."

"Shoo?"

"Leave. Go away. Remove yourself from my dream this instant." Riane faded away, a look of intense disappointment on her face. Song leaned back slightly and tipped her face up to the sun. Illumination. Song stood up, raised her arms and lifted off the ground. She flew towards the sun, seeking her answers.

Much better.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I like the style you're writing in, very out of the norm. However, you're still managing to convey the necessary information to the reader, but only to readers of AD. If that's your target audience, fine, otherwise consider providing some more background info in the future; I personally have had no problems following the story.

My biggest criticism is Riane's attitude; I don't feel you've properly captured the character she has in the comic. Of course, that's just my interpretation of her, and it could be the fact that she's a ghost. Still, I'd recommend a quick refresher before you write her in again. Yeah, yeah, I know; she's hardly portrayed at all. Re-read anyway. Actually, re-view: try to read body language and facial expressions, particularly before the fight starts.

All in all, though, I'm really enjoying this. You've been busy with life and the Keep hasn't exactly been hopping, so I've missed your writing. Glad to see you haven't lost all your talent.

Carry on! ^_~

*grin*

Bear in mind this is the first rough draft. There WILL be re-writes.

Riane...hmmm. I'll hunt through the archives and look at her again. Keep in mind she was going insane when she fought Lexx. Her personality had been over-ridden by a cheat ring multiple times.

Heh. This could be a case of different interpretations on the same character. Joy! *ironic chuckle*

Shades of a Promise

Hm...

Be careful what you wish for...