bloodsong1: (Banzai)
bloodsong1 ([personal profile] bloodsong1) wrote2007-10-19 11:15 pm
Entry tags:

Moondance

(Inspired by "Moondance", first done by Van Morrison and covered by Michael Buble. Using the Buble version as I don't have the Van Morrison version on my Ipod. Also inspired by Fairie Tale Theater's version of "Dancing Princesses", which gave me a wonderful dream that is the setting for this piece. Jareth used because, well, he FITS.)

My dark cloak barely skimmed the grass as I scurried to the open-air gazebo awash with light, music and laughter. No one knew I was here; my stealth was very successful. Halting behind one of the ornamental bushes that marked the outer edge of the gazebo, I shed the cloak, hanging it neatly on a branch. My white satin dress gleamed in the mix of candle and moonlight bathing the structure and the nobility twirling within its columns. Where the band and the singer were, I don't know. It almost seemed to be magic. I carefully straightened the cap sleeves and smoothed the skirt down from the empire waistline. Showtime.

Tiptoeing around the bush, I took a position behind one of the columns, next to the buffet table. Watching carefully, my slippered foot tapped the rhythm to the country dance currently being played. My eyes swept the field, looking for an opportunity. The dance ended and the lady closest to me spun towards the gardens with a flirtatious wink to her partner. He grinned and stepped back towards the center of the gazebo. I slid into the empty place, eager to dance with the next change of partners. Who it was didn't matter. I was here!

The gentlemen ringed a few steps away from the ladies moved one partner to the left. I smiled up at mine, only to have the smile become a struggle to keep my jaw from dropping. He was as pale as I, but where my brunette hair gleamed, his blond shimmered. Mismatched eyes stared deeply into mine and a smirk that could only be called predatory graced his mouth. I gave him my hand, feeling slightly dazed, and he bowed over it.

"Welcome," He said huskily, pulling me to the center of the gazebo as drums and horns played the opening bars to one of my favorite songs. With an expert twirl, he pulled me flush against him. An eyebrow cocked in challenge, which I accpeted with a slight toss of my head. As the singer began to croon, we seperated, hands clasped in a swing hold. For the first verse, he twirled me in every complicated maneuver of the swing. As the singer directed, so we obeyed. My eyes were shining with stars and romance was thick in the air. He pulled me close to his chest, head dipped as if to listen to my heart. I blushed, unable to help myself. The thought of making love to this man made my pulse race and my breath shorten. His hand glided down my cheek and I trembled. Smirking, he dipped me, pulled me up and we moved into a quickstep for the refrain and bridge, only to come together in a tango that ended with me dipped again during the pause in the music. As the singer started again, we foxtrotted around the gazebo, bodies brushing and eyes locked. Again he touched my cheek and again I trembled. My eyes must have been blazing, given the fire I saw in his two-toned orbs. The singer belted out the last few lines and we twirled in place. My partner very slowly dipped me as the song came to an end, holding my leg high against his chest. We were panting as he pulled me back up. The music died as our lips came together in an explosive kiss. I clung to him, shuddering with the sensations pouring through me. We broke apart just enough to breathe, gazes still firmly locked. I reached for his face with a trembling hand.

"Am I dreaming?" I whispered.

"Do you wish to be?"

"Moondance"

[identity profile] chezelliott.livejournal.com 2007-10-20 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
If this is the song "It's a marvelous night for a moondance, with the stars up above in your eyes," it's Van Morrison rather than Van Halen. Though I have to say the idea of Van HALEN doing that song made me smile.
I liked the piece, but I would change the word "sneakiness" to stealth. It sounds...sexier.

[identity profile] chezelliott.livejournal.com 2007-10-20 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
And just as an interesting aside, did you know that the difference between David Bowie's eyes is not their color? One eye was injured in a schoolyard fight and the pupil is permanently dilated, so that eye looks different from the other.
Christopher Walken and Jane Seymour each have two different colored eyes. It's called hematochromia. I have a mild version of it myself.

[identity profile] bloodsong1.livejournal.com 2007-10-20 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Van Morrison? Gah, I can never keep these 80s bands straight. I'll fix that.

And yes, I learned about the fight and the eye damage two days ago, as a matter of fact. But for Jareth, I prefer the idea of two different colored eyes. ^_^

[identity profile] sildar.livejournal.com 2007-10-20 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
No one knew I was here, my sneakiness was very successful.

'sneakiness' needs to go. Use 'stealth' or 'deception'. Also consider throwing a semicolon into the middle of that sentence, just for readability.

Who didn't matter.

This is a little awkward and unclear, but only a little. Maybe 'Who I danced with...'?

...only to come together in a tango move that ended with me dipped...

The phrase 'tango move' is a bit awkward. I'm not sure what I'd recommend in its place, but it kinda broke the mood for me.

Overall, I really enjoy this. I'll give it another read tomorrow to be sure, but my only complaints are the odd bits I've already picked out. It flows very well from a sort of hushed and expectant hesitancy into a very moving and romantic dance. The finish is wonderful climactic hook, and I hope to read more of this.

[identity profile] bloodsong1.livejournal.com 2007-10-20 01:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Odd bits duly noted and repaired. I'm not sure if this will continue, honestly. The suspense is what really thrills me.