bloodsong1 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodsong1) wrote2010-10-18 09:00 pm
bloodsong1) wrote2010-10-18 09:00 pm
It's not getting easier.
Why isn't it getting easier?
I am still very tired. I expect I will continue to be very tired for the rest of the month. Then, once I know what Social Security can give me for survivor benefits, and Wolf is planted under his tree and embraced by all, then maybe I can get past the very tired into just tired.
I couldn't finish karate class tonight. At first I thought it was dehydration, possibly not enough eating before class, and then realized it's my migraines kicking in. It was happening off and on all day, even when I was fully hydrated and full of lunch. I only missed one day of meds, so I know it's not that. Probably another side effect of grieving. I had been pulled in halfway through the 5pm class, so I didn't miss much, really. Still, it's embarrassing having to curl up on the floor of the dojo in a corner and have Sensei come check on you.
I've started reading Wolf's sci-fi books. Part of me wants to break out "Fire Sword", but I know I'll probably end up throwing it across the room, as the heroine in that story, whom I relate to on a very personal level despite the Grand Adventure she has compared to my "wife & two kids" life, got her husband back after he was killed because he was the Winter King for that year and that will make me angry. It's NOT FAIR!
Shut up, Goblin King.
In totally unrelated news, the shiny blue Nissan has been named. Her name is Ripley, as in Ripley from the Alien series. Because Ripley was one tough chicky and I need all the strength I can get right now.
I am still very tired. I expect I will continue to be very tired for the rest of the month. Then, once I know what Social Security can give me for survivor benefits, and Wolf is planted under his tree and embraced by all, then maybe I can get past the very tired into just tired.
I couldn't finish karate class tonight. At first I thought it was dehydration, possibly not enough eating before class, and then realized it's my migraines kicking in. It was happening off and on all day, even when I was fully hydrated and full of lunch. I only missed one day of meds, so I know it's not that. Probably another side effect of grieving. I had been pulled in halfway through the 5pm class, so I didn't miss much, really. Still, it's embarrassing having to curl up on the floor of the dojo in a corner and have Sensei come check on you.
I've started reading Wolf's sci-fi books. Part of me wants to break out "Fire Sword", but I know I'll probably end up throwing it across the room, as the heroine in that story, whom I relate to on a very personal level despite the Grand Adventure she has compared to my "wife & two kids" life, got her husband back after he was killed because he was the Winter King for that year and that will make me angry. It's NOT FAIR!
Shut up, Goblin King.
In totally unrelated news, the shiny blue Nissan has been named. Her name is Ripley, as in Ripley from the Alien series. Because Ripley was one tough chicky and I need all the strength I can get right now.
no subject
You are carrying one of the heaviest burdens this world can put upon your shoulders. You will bend under it, but you will not break. For you are strong, and whether you know it or not, all of your friends and loved ones are reaching out and sending you their strength, their love, and their sorrow. The load will get lighter. You are strong. We love you.
*sniffle*
*HUGS*