bloodsong1 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodsong1) wrote2013-05-15 08:23 pm
bloodsong1) wrote2013-05-15 08:23 pm
Entry tags:
I love my friends!
SNB called during break.
His reasoning is this: Labor rates for service techs; electricians, plumbers, mechanics, etc, are "bullshit" because they have a captive market, they know it, and they bilk everyone.
I explained to him the company I'm using has never screwed me over, has always been honest, and enjoys a good reputation. Mama A uses them exclusively. He said he's glad to hear this, but that doesn't change his reasoning. For him it's an ethical issue. I pointed out that ethics and economics go hand in hand. He agreed that they CAN, but so many techs are in it for the quick buck, so every tech is suspect, every labor rate is bullshit and he hates that this is the world we live in.
He has apologized and said he would try to keep his temper under control. He's not going to change his mind, his attitude or his reasoning.
*sigh*
I don't think this is a break up issue, but I'm already tired of it. What should I do?
His reasoning is this: Labor rates for service techs; electricians, plumbers, mechanics, etc, are "bullshit" because they have a captive market, they know it, and they bilk everyone.
I explained to him the company I'm using has never screwed me over, has always been honest, and enjoys a good reputation. Mama A uses them exclusively. He said he's glad to hear this, but that doesn't change his reasoning. For him it's an ethical issue. I pointed out that ethics and economics go hand in hand. He agreed that they CAN, but so many techs are in it for the quick buck, so every tech is suspect, every labor rate is bullshit and he hates that this is the world we live in.
He has apologized and said he would try to keep his temper under control. He's not going to change his mind, his attitude or his reasoning.
*sigh*
I don't think this is a break up issue, but I'm already tired of it. What should I do?
no subject
It is the nature of society that not all of us can do everything for ourselves and that we must therefore occasionally turn to others to perform certain services for us. Grocery stores. Utility companies. Gas stations. Sandwich shops (although I would argue that having someone make your sandwich for you is not a necessity for most of us). While scam artists may get away with it for a while, eventually their business will suffer because of their unscrupulous practices.
But you're not the one with the issue, so I'm kind of preaching to the choir.
no subject
What do you really want in this situation?
Try asking him for what your really want.
What is the situation? How does it make you feel? what do you want him to do?
Maybe if you talk to him about it the two of you can come up with something.
Without talking to him, all I can see is that he needs to express his feelings about "all service charges being rip offs", and you need for him to stop doing that. Trying to change him is not likely to help your relationship.
Since you are the one who is unhappy, can you do something about being bothered by his rants? "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional." His behavior is not physically hurting you, it is upsetting you. Being upset is something that happens in your brain not outside of you. You can't control him but you can address your inner state.
What emotions did you feel when this happened?
Because he did that, that means you are...? (inner critic statement)
Is that inner critic statement true? (it probably isn't)
I hope this helps.
no subject
SNB keeps saying it isn't my fault. This is the one difference between his rants and the past. However, that difference does not mitigate my response, which is feeling hurt, because I'm choosing to do something he doesn't approve of, and annoyed because he's behaving irrationally.
Ranting about something you can't change is useful only when it relieves pressure. Anything more and you're wasting energy. This is why I try to cut myself off when I sense I'm repeating myself. I don't want to waste the energy. I don't see him doing that. He was getting worked up on the phone.
I intend to talk to him. Might not be tonight, he's going to be late. But this will be discussed.
no subject
It seems that this particular rant is bothering you because it hits a sore spot and triggers a desire for his approval. But you are the one in charge here. You don't need his approval for your spending. You are the more fiscally responsible one. He won't punish you for not doing it his way and his rant will blow over. He is just blowing off steam. He just has a lot more steam than you do.
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We also discussed my response, how I felt, and we both agreed that he needs to grow up a little more and I need to re-train my responses.
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My instinct would be to say something on the order of "Unless you're paying for it, stfu." More diplomatically of course...
Once you get hitched, you can say something like "Hey, if you're handling it you can take care of the issue however you like, but if I'm the one dealing with the issue you have to accept how I'm handling it." "Oh, you don't like the way that went? Shoulda done it yourself. Couldn't take care of it yourself? Then you should be grateful that I fielded it for you and pull back on that criticism."
(That kinda seems like the source of the problem mebbe - like your judgement is being undercut or you feel a certain lack of acceptance. Or something.)
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Wolf wanted sympathetic coos when he was angry about something he couldn't do anything about. SNB seems to want the space to rant until he's spent. I'll have to learn to adjust.
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It may be worth someone sitting down with him and going over the realities of running a service tech business like that, because I'm sure that the labor rates are set where they are in order to not lose money, not because they are bilking. As a customer, he doesn't see a lot of the hidden costs.
As an example, the last time I called a plumber in it was after I had failed to clear a stuck drain, and needed a pro who had a good snake. The plumber spent a couple of hours inspecting the system, replacing a bunch of rusted-out pipes under the sink that were leaking, and sending 25' of snake down the drain, without reaching the clog. He charged me for the repair, but not the hour he spent fruitlessly snaking the drain -- and he referred me to a competitor who had a 50' snake as well. The time and effort spent doing unpaid snaking of my drains is a cost he had to absorb.
Similarly, the mechanics at the garage need to be paid for sitting on their ass half a day after the morning appointment cancelled, or when a job the book says should take an hour takes three because the book wasn't expecting the bolts to be rusted tight (or snap off), or when the guy in the back room spends 3 days on the phone trying to find the right $35 part.
You know these things, I know these things. Does he know these things? If he sat down and did the math on trying to make a living doing this stuff, would it make a difference?
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no subject