I love my friends!

[bloodsong1]

SNB called during break.

His reasoning is this: Labor rates for service techs; electricians, plumbers, mechanics, etc, are "bullshit" because they have a captive market, they know it, and they bilk everyone.

I explained to him the company I'm using has never screwed me over, has always been honest, and enjoys a good reputation. Mama A uses them exclusively. He said he's glad to hear this, but that doesn't change his reasoning. For him it's an ethical issue. I pointed out that ethics and economics go hand in hand. He agreed that they CAN, but so many techs are in it for the quick buck, so every tech is suspect, every labor rate is bullshit and he hates that this is the world we live in.

He has apologized and said he would try to keep his temper under control. He's not going to change his mind, his attitude or his reasoning.

*sigh*

I don't think this is a break up issue, but I'm already tired of it. What should I do?

Comments

[sheherazahde.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I don't really see a solution here.

What do you really want in this situation?

Try asking him for what your really want.
What is the situation? How does it make you feel? what do you want him to do?

Maybe if you talk to him about it the two of you can come up with something.

Without talking to him, all I can see is that he needs to express his feelings about "all service charges being rip offs", and you need for him to stop doing that. Trying to change him is not likely to help your relationship.

Since you are the one who is unhappy, can you do something about being bothered by his rants? "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional." His behavior is not physically hurting you, it is upsetting you. Being upset is something that happens in your brain not outside of you. You can't control him but you can address your inner state.

What emotions did you feel when this happened?
Because he did that, that means you are...? (inner critic statement)
Is that inner critic statement true? (it probably isn't)

I hope this helps.

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

I think the biggest problem I'm having is the echoes of my past. The former boss yelled at me every time he thought I undercharged a customer. The ex yelled at me every time he got upset. The "problem" customers yelled at me when they thought I was overcharging.

SNB keeps saying it isn't my fault. This is the one difference between his rants and the past. However, that difference does not mitigate my response, which is feeling hurt, because I'm choosing to do something he doesn't approve of, and annoyed because he's behaving irrationally.

Ranting about something you can't change is useful only when it relieves pressure. Anything more and you're wasting energy. This is why I try to cut myself off when I sense I'm repeating myself. I don't want to waste the energy. I don't see him doing that. He was getting worked up on the phone.

I intend to talk to him. Might not be tonight, he's going to be late. But this will be discussed.

[sheherazahde.livejournal.com]

SNB does not try to control his rants :D He loves ranting! He enjoys getting worked up about things. I think you have one of those passionate Italians. He isn't likely to change.

It seems that this particular rant is bothering you because it hits a sore spot and triggers a desire for his approval. But you are the one in charge here. You don't need his approval for your spending. You are the more fiscally responsible one. He won't punish you for not doing it his way and his rant will blow over. He is just blowing off steam. He just has a lot more steam than you do.

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm aware of this. We ended up talking after we got home. He agreed that I'm in charge of the house and I will take care of things as I see fit. He also said that his "man cave" in the garage will where he will rant about service issues. I said that was an excellent idea.

We also discussed my response, how I felt, and we both agreed that he needs to grow up a little more and I need to re-train my responses.