bloodsong1 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodsong1) wrote2014-09-13 07:34 pm
bloodsong1) wrote2014-09-13 07:34 pm
Entry tags:
Embracing My Power
I had a Realization yesterday. I realized I have been afraid of my power, as a woman and as a Witch, for most of my life. Let me tell you a story.
When I was in college, I went to the local New Age fair held every year in a haunted theater. Maternal Unit was HORRIFIED that I was exposing myself to "the Devil's Work" and prayed for me all day, along with some aunts. Allegedly. Anyway, there was a clothing vendor there, selling the usual tie dye/batik print/hand dyed/one size fits all dresses one usually finds at such things.
Now, I was already crawling into my then boyfriend (the Ex)'s back pocket because of the ghost. It was not a nice ghost and it GLARED AT ME. The Whole Time. So when I tried on a dress in my favorite colors (purple, green & blue), came out to check myself in the mirror, I got a helluva shock. I saw the future. I saw a strong, confident, wise woman who stared back at me and smiled slightly, knowingly, as if to say, "Yes, little one, this is where you'll be".
I could not get that dress off fast enough. I was TERRIFIED of the stranger in the mirror. I wasn't strong, confident or wise! I could never be THAT!
I was...19-20 when that happened. Now, at 36, I realize the vision in the mirror has come to pass. I am strong. I am gaining my confidence. I'm learning about wisdom and how to use it. Part of this stems directly from breaking up w/SLB. I put my foot down and said, "No. I cannot do this anymore. I need to be alone. I will not fulfill my True Blue self with you here." The rest of it is finally realizing, at 36, twice married, once divorced, once widowed & with two children, that I have this power, I've always had this power and it's about damned time I've used it. When it comes to office skills and gaming skills and such,I'm a quick study, but when it comes to me, yeah. I'm a little slow. Still. It's happening, I'm GLAD it's happening and I'm looking forward to the future. I might not get that Earthship done in the next five years, but I CAN get it done. Even while wearing marquis cut diamond earrings, which I have EARNED and will be buying for myself for my birthday.
Yes, Chezzie I know you have people who can get me diamond earrings, but can they get me marquis cut diamond studs roughly 1/2 carat total weight and near colorless?
When I was in college, I went to the local New Age fair held every year in a haunted theater. Maternal Unit was HORRIFIED that I was exposing myself to "the Devil's Work" and prayed for me all day, along with some aunts. Allegedly. Anyway, there was a clothing vendor there, selling the usual tie dye/batik print/hand dyed/one size fits all dresses one usually finds at such things.
Now, I was already crawling into my then boyfriend (the Ex)'s back pocket because of the ghost. It was not a nice ghost and it GLARED AT ME. The Whole Time. So when I tried on a dress in my favorite colors (purple, green & blue), came out to check myself in the mirror, I got a helluva shock. I saw the future. I saw a strong, confident, wise woman who stared back at me and smiled slightly, knowingly, as if to say, "Yes, little one, this is where you'll be".
I could not get that dress off fast enough. I was TERRIFIED of the stranger in the mirror. I wasn't strong, confident or wise! I could never be THAT!
I was...19-20 when that happened. Now, at 36, I realize the vision in the mirror has come to pass. I am strong. I am gaining my confidence. I'm learning about wisdom and how to use it. Part of this stems directly from breaking up w/SLB. I put my foot down and said, "No. I cannot do this anymore. I need to be alone. I will not fulfill my True Blue self with you here." The rest of it is finally realizing, at 36, twice married, once divorced, once widowed & with two children, that I have this power, I've always had this power and it's about damned time I've used it. When it comes to office skills and gaming skills and such,I'm a quick study, but when it comes to me, yeah. I'm a little slow. Still. It's happening, I'm GLAD it's happening and I'm looking forward to the future. I might not get that Earthship done in the next five years, but I CAN get it done. Even while wearing marquis cut diamond earrings, which I have EARNED and will be buying for myself for my birthday.
Yes, Chezzie I know you have people who can get me diamond earrings, but can they get me marquis cut diamond studs roughly 1/2 carat total weight and near colorless?