bloodsong1 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodsong1) wrote2016-06-20 12:25 pm
bloodsong1) wrote2016-06-20 12:25 pm
Entry tags:
Sad and Mad and barely Glad
With apologies to Seuss.
Wedding in a month and nine days and I've found myself getting irrationally angry at Inuyasha; Final Act. So angry, in fact, that I can't watch it and I've decided to stop reading one of my favorite fanfics. I've switched to Blue Seed.
This irrational anger is familiar. I am angry at Wolf. Yes, I'm marrying myself and very much looking forward to a wonderful ritual and a good dinner and a fabulous time with my Tribe.
But I am still angry. I don't like the fact I'm doing this to celebrate standing on my own two feet and becoming a Whole Woman. I don't like the fact that I was the one left behind. I don't like the fact that despite all my growth as a Woman and a Witch in the last six years, given the opportunity for a second chance, I'd take it.
Actually, that's not completely true. I'd give it a LOT of thought and draw up a cost benefit analysis and, well, I'd give the odds a solid 50% chance I'd say yes.
Forever isn't supposed to be seven years, LJ-land. It's supposed to be decades.
In two years I'll have been a widow longer than I had been married to Wolf. That really hurts.
I'm not canceling my wedding! But I am being reminded of the journey to get to this point.
Happy Solstice!
Wedding in a month and nine days and I've found myself getting irrationally angry at Inuyasha; Final Act. So angry, in fact, that I can't watch it and I've decided to stop reading one of my favorite fanfics. I've switched to Blue Seed.
This irrational anger is familiar. I am angry at Wolf. Yes, I'm marrying myself and very much looking forward to a wonderful ritual and a good dinner and a fabulous time with my Tribe.
But I am still angry. I don't like the fact I'm doing this to celebrate standing on my own two feet and becoming a Whole Woman. I don't like the fact that I was the one left behind. I don't like the fact that despite all my growth as a Woman and a Witch in the last six years, given the opportunity for a second chance, I'd take it.
Actually, that's not completely true. I'd give it a LOT of thought and draw up a cost benefit analysis and, well, I'd give the odds a solid 50% chance I'd say yes.
Forever isn't supposed to be seven years, LJ-land. It's supposed to be decades.
In two years I'll have been a widow longer than I had been married to Wolf. That really hurts.
I'm not canceling my wedding! But I am being reminded of the journey to get to this point.
Happy Solstice!