bloodsong1 | Sad and Mad and barely Glad

With apologies to Seuss.

Wedding in a month and nine days and I've found myself getting irrationally angry at Inuyasha; Final Act. So angry, in fact, that I can't watch it and I've decided to stop reading one of my favorite fanfics. I've switched to Blue Seed.

This irrational anger is familiar. I am angry at Wolf. Yes, I'm marrying myself and very much looking forward to a wonderful ritual and a good dinner and a fabulous time with my Tribe.

But I am still angry. I don't like the fact I'm doing this to celebrate standing on my own two feet and becoming a Whole Woman. I don't like the fact that I was the one left behind. I don't like the fact that despite all my growth as a Woman and a Witch in the last six years, given the opportunity for a second chance, I'd take it.

Actually, that's not completely true. I'd give it a LOT of thought and draw up a cost benefit analysis and, well, I'd give the odds a solid 50% chance I'd say yes.

Forever isn't supposed to be seven years, LJ-land. It's supposed to be decades.

In two years I'll have been a widow longer than I had been married to Wolf. That really hurts.

I'm not canceling my wedding! But I am being reminded of the journey to get to this point.

Happy Solstice!