Vacation, all I ever wanted...
Oct. 4th, 2005 07:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodsong1But it's not my vacation. Or rather, I've been on vacation for over a month now and no company sees fit to bring me back. >_< No, Wolf is on vacation this week. Little computer time for Queenie. I snitch the hour from alarm time to sheparding the kiddo off to school to check my comics and email, submit for jobs, and on occasion post an entry.
The weekend with Doc and Kyther left me pensive and thoughtful.
My idea? Yeah. Drove down to CS Saturday morning, dropped off the kiddo wi'de'grandma, picked up Doc and headed back to Denver. Some debate on outdoors versus indoors, Wolf won the debate when he announced he would be BORED outside. We got home, mixed up the Tang, divvied the shrooms and we all sat down to enjoy.
Hit faster for all of us, possibly because we were just sitting around listening to the Doors. I played with the light beams coming through the blinds, strumming them in time with the music. Before I peaked, I insisted on playing Katamari, since half the reviewers insist whomever made the game did it while tripping. Playing was harder. Every time I bumped into something, the vibration triggered and I would realize my controller was NOT pressed against an invisible wall, I could move it around. Much time was spent with the controller held with arms half-outstretched. I played Eternal and finally got to the point where I was left with landmasses and the barrier of white. I soon realized I was very tired, as if I had really pushed this giant ball of stuff around and I was annoyed that I couldn't just float in the whiteness and take a well-earned break. No, that peace was denyed as the game ruthlessly pushed me back into the ocean to roll more stuff. I yawned, offered the controller to the guys. Neither one accepted. I shut the game down and headed back to my spot on the couch, using Wolf as a pillow.
Here the closed eye visuals really kicked in. White became orange became red became blue became purple in a fluid dance of insectoid kalidascopes. Wolf turned on the TV and found Farscape, a third or fourth season episode where Zhan was accused of murder and sent herself into hallucinating trances. NOT a good episode to watch while tripping out and I said so. More then once. I spent most of the episode with my eyes closed, letting the music and dialogue inspire the visuals.
Sometime during this, Wolf wandered off and I was face-down on the couch. The darkness became my private dark, a snake's gullet filled with vampire fangs, Mistress Centipedes and slimy ridges. I laughed at it all, declaring myself in total control of this shadow-world and felt no fear. Until Doc asked where Kevin was and I had to focus on remembering if the front door had opened. I raised my head in time to see Wolf leaning over the back of the couch. Seeing him safe was a relief and an annoyance and I dived back into the darkness. Sadly, I had developed my own sense of paranoia and soon sat up.
Wolf rejoined us on the couch and flipped channels until we found the last 30 minutes of Crouching Tiger. It was dubbed, which offended me and my eyelids slid shut. I would "wake up" during the commercials and drift during the movie, sometimes watching, sometimes not. When the movie ended, we channel surfed for a while and declared Saturday afternoon television useless. I suggested Outlaw Star, which was vetoed by Doc. He insisted on Hedwig. I put it on, as the remote controls were too much for the guys.
Hedwig started out too bright and too loud and pretty much stayed that way. I focused on the glitter makeup, shut my eyes during any part that disturbed me and found the soundtrack beautiful. When the credits finally rolled, I felt myself "done" as well.
"What a way to end it." I said, referring to the trip. The others thought I meant the movie. Much discussion about the movie ensued. We all agreed it was an emotional, painful piece. What surprised Doc was my declaration that the emotion would have hurt me worse if I hadn't been tripping. I was able to distance myself from the pain and look at it objectively, often wondering if it was an actual documentary. The free-style storytelling didn't bother me, the main character was worthy of sympathy, but I felt the tinge of Greek tragedy and decided the whole thing had the smack of self-fulfilling prophecy, which I don't sympathize with.
After a lot of post-trip dissection, we put in Outlander, a nice quiet piece after the noise of Hedwig. Simple sci-fi with Western overtones. Finally we all stumbled off to bed.
Now, Saturday was the command meeting of the ST club. We blew them off completely, not even bothering to call. An hour after the meeting was supposed to start, I was text messaged and responded that I was feeling ill. A snarky comment came back, I apologized. This dwelled on my mind.
Sunday Kyther came down. We watched a few episodes of Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi (I know that's spelled wrong), went out to lunch at Hibachi and saw "Serenity". I enjoyed the film overall, was only disappointed in one element and am curious to see how far Joss Wheadon can take this. Serenity looks good on the big screen. Very pretty.
After the movie, we made one quick stop at Target, then headed back to the Springs. Dropped off Doc with much thanks, stopped to get me something to eat at Taco Bell, and went to pick up the kiddo. Serious discussion about Fleet, the club and the captain on the way and while we headed home. The glamour is gone, the newness has worn off, in other words, we're bored. The captain has proven himself a Fleet ladder climber, which bothers Wolf deeply, I feel no connection with the other females of the club. There's no sense of family like with the Arc Royal. Yes, they're friends and they don't deserve to be blown off like that. That doesn't stop me from feeling somewhat justified, since our desires for the club aren't being met. Social breakoff was bound to happen, since despite the set backs we're still planning on heading back to New York. Did it need to happen now? Debatable. I feel that something important has been torn, a small rent in my social fabric and I'm wondering if the effort of stitching it up is worth the resulting mend. Is the cost less than the reward?
I doubt I'll do shrooms again. The only thing missing the first time was Wolf and that was satisfied. I have no interest in doing acid or anything else of this nature. My curiosity is satisfied and it didn't kill me. Whoot.
The weekend with Doc and Kyther left me pensive and thoughtful.
My idea? Yeah. Drove down to CS Saturday morning, dropped off the kiddo wi'de'grandma, picked up Doc and headed back to Denver. Some debate on outdoors versus indoors, Wolf won the debate when he announced he would be BORED outside. We got home, mixed up the Tang, divvied the shrooms and we all sat down to enjoy.
Hit faster for all of us, possibly because we were just sitting around listening to the Doors. I played with the light beams coming through the blinds, strumming them in time with the music. Before I peaked, I insisted on playing Katamari, since half the reviewers insist whomever made the game did it while tripping. Playing was harder. Every time I bumped into something, the vibration triggered and I would realize my controller was NOT pressed against an invisible wall, I could move it around. Much time was spent with the controller held with arms half-outstretched. I played Eternal and finally got to the point where I was left with landmasses and the barrier of white. I soon realized I was very tired, as if I had really pushed this giant ball of stuff around and I was annoyed that I couldn't just float in the whiteness and take a well-earned break. No, that peace was denyed as the game ruthlessly pushed me back into the ocean to roll more stuff. I yawned, offered the controller to the guys. Neither one accepted. I shut the game down and headed back to my spot on the couch, using Wolf as a pillow.
Here the closed eye visuals really kicked in. White became orange became red became blue became purple in a fluid dance of insectoid kalidascopes. Wolf turned on the TV and found Farscape, a third or fourth season episode where Zhan was accused of murder and sent herself into hallucinating trances. NOT a good episode to watch while tripping out and I said so. More then once. I spent most of the episode with my eyes closed, letting the music and dialogue inspire the visuals.
Sometime during this, Wolf wandered off and I was face-down on the couch. The darkness became my private dark, a snake's gullet filled with vampire fangs, Mistress Centipedes and slimy ridges. I laughed at it all, declaring myself in total control of this shadow-world and felt no fear. Until Doc asked where Kevin was and I had to focus on remembering if the front door had opened. I raised my head in time to see Wolf leaning over the back of the couch. Seeing him safe was a relief and an annoyance and I dived back into the darkness. Sadly, I had developed my own sense of paranoia and soon sat up.
Wolf rejoined us on the couch and flipped channels until we found the last 30 minutes of Crouching Tiger. It was dubbed, which offended me and my eyelids slid shut. I would "wake up" during the commercials and drift during the movie, sometimes watching, sometimes not. When the movie ended, we channel surfed for a while and declared Saturday afternoon television useless. I suggested Outlaw Star, which was vetoed by Doc. He insisted on Hedwig. I put it on, as the remote controls were too much for the guys.
Hedwig started out too bright and too loud and pretty much stayed that way. I focused on the glitter makeup, shut my eyes during any part that disturbed me and found the soundtrack beautiful. When the credits finally rolled, I felt myself "done" as well.
"What a way to end it." I said, referring to the trip. The others thought I meant the movie. Much discussion about the movie ensued. We all agreed it was an emotional, painful piece. What surprised Doc was my declaration that the emotion would have hurt me worse if I hadn't been tripping. I was able to distance myself from the pain and look at it objectively, often wondering if it was an actual documentary. The free-style storytelling didn't bother me, the main character was worthy of sympathy, but I felt the tinge of Greek tragedy and decided the whole thing had the smack of self-fulfilling prophecy, which I don't sympathize with.
After a lot of post-trip dissection, we put in Outlander, a nice quiet piece after the noise of Hedwig. Simple sci-fi with Western overtones. Finally we all stumbled off to bed.
Now, Saturday was the command meeting of the ST club. We blew them off completely, not even bothering to call. An hour after the meeting was supposed to start, I was text messaged and responded that I was feeling ill. A snarky comment came back, I apologized. This dwelled on my mind.
Sunday Kyther came down. We watched a few episodes of Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi (I know that's spelled wrong), went out to lunch at Hibachi and saw "Serenity". I enjoyed the film overall, was only disappointed in one element and am curious to see how far Joss Wheadon can take this. Serenity looks good on the big screen. Very pretty.
After the movie, we made one quick stop at Target, then headed back to the Springs. Dropped off Doc with much thanks, stopped to get me something to eat at Taco Bell, and went to pick up the kiddo. Serious discussion about Fleet, the club and the captain on the way and while we headed home. The glamour is gone, the newness has worn off, in other words, we're bored. The captain has proven himself a Fleet ladder climber, which bothers Wolf deeply, I feel no connection with the other females of the club. There's no sense of family like with the Arc Royal. Yes, they're friends and they don't deserve to be blown off like that. That doesn't stop me from feeling somewhat justified, since our desires for the club aren't being met. Social breakoff was bound to happen, since despite the set backs we're still planning on heading back to New York. Did it need to happen now? Debatable. I feel that something important has been torn, a small rent in my social fabric and I'm wondering if the effort of stitching it up is worth the resulting mend. Is the cost less than the reward?
I doubt I'll do shrooms again. The only thing missing the first time was Wolf and that was satisfied. I have no interest in doing acid or anything else of this nature. My curiosity is satisfied and it didn't kill me. Whoot.
