First Date

"Join us now as we witness one of the more fascinating aspects of human behavior; namely, 'The Mad Search Through Closets and Drawers to Find the Perfect Outfit'. This story has a twist; namely that it is not the female flinging clothes everywhere that will be wearing the Perfect Outfit. Oh, no, she is grooming a packmate for potential breeding."

"Uh...I must have the wrong number." *click*

"Heeheehee! Stupid telemarkerters." I put the phone down and lean back against my headboard. It's Saturday, T-minus one.fifteen hours to date time. Candy is trashing our dorm room looking for something for me to wear. Yes, Candy. I am perfectly content with the clean jeans, light green tshirt with "If the DM is laughing, be afraid" written in blood red on the back and sneakers. Apparently, this is much too casual for sushi and an art exhibit. For a college student, in the fricking afternoon. Now, if this was a night showing, I'd agree with her. But it's after lunch! Who cares?

"You should care, Sher. You want to make a good impression, right?"

"And Care Bears stare. Whatever, Candy. He's seen me in cosplay and dolled up under duress. There's nothing wrong with showing him the real me." Jeans and tshirt geek-girl. "Now, if he shows up in Dockers and a polo with a sports coat, I am laughing in his face and canceling."

"But it's the musuem!"

"Yes, the Fine Arts Musuem. So what? Those floors are damned slippery. I'm not wearing heels on marble. Individuality is a good thing, you know." Candy screeches. I clap my hands over my ears. She could shatter glass!

Yeah, so...

You're going to be seeing a lot in here today. I'm that bored and there's nothing extra I can do. Powers.

Need to start thinking of a plot for the Keep Flash movie. I have...*counts* nine characters lined up, including my own. Not as much interest as I was hoping for, but that may work to my advantage. Easier to script for nine then, say, fifteen. I'm thinking a little misadventure, investigating something weird showing up in the kingdom. Not necessarily evil, just weird. Like a clutch of baby gryphons or basilisks or something. Ooo. Basilisks. Those would be fun. Dangerous and fun. Yeah. Aphie and Milo find a nest of baby basilisks, totally freak out and flee for their lives and the rest have to figure out what's going and then decide what to do about it. Thank you Harry Potter. Hee!

So let's see. Three baby basilisks. No more then a month or so old. Would they be able to kill at that age or just paralyze? Hmmm. Need to do some research.

She liked it! She liked it!

*poings madly* The Eto said it was lovely and promised to keep it! Her first fanfic, too! I'm so HAPPY!!!

*dances around*

OH!

Attention Doc Holiday!
If you have any time off this weekend PLEASE let me know. We are due for Lewis Black and possibly the End of Evangelion. You know, the "correct" ending? Please call, email or post here.

Thank you!

Now to go tell the Keep about my idea.

*runs off*

First Date.

T-minus one hour to date.

"What about this?"

"No."

"What about this?"

"No." *cloth hitting skin sounds* Huh. I didn't know I owned a purple silk blouse. I take it off my head and frown at Candy. She's standing in front of the closet, ankle deep in clothes, glaring at me. I grin and turn up my Ipod. Sweet Yoko Kanno. A plushie sails across the room and catches my chest. I turn off my Ipod, giving Candy a very dirty look.

"No, Candace. I will not play this little game with you. I am comfortable, my outfit is clean and intact and I have my obligatory geek reference. I'm not dolling myself up for three hours eating fish and walking through a museum. Now chill out and clean up."

"At least put on some makeup!"

"Dragon girl, Candace."

"One of these days that's not going to work."

"I have Fooly Cooly and Princess Tutu waiting in the wings."

"Hentai."

"That too." Candace screeches again. I sigh, roll off my bed and grab my jacket and wallet. Stuffing the wallet into my back pocket, I pin Candace with a cold stare. She shuts up. Smart girl. I yank on my jacket and walk past her. "My clothes had better be put away by the time I get back or you're paying the laundry fees." I toss over my shoulder and slam the door behind me. Good Gods!! If I had known what kind of worm can I was opening, I would never have agreed to that stupid dance. No man, NONE, is worth this kind of aggravation. A quick check of jacket pockets reassures I don't have to go back for my cell phone or Boo, my switchblade. Clever me. I storm out of the dorm and boost myself onto the wide concrete rails flanking the steps. Leaning back, I flip my Ipod on and turn it up. In ten seconds, I'm singing along to Real Folk Blues.

First Date.

T minus...shadow. Open eyes. We have start up sequence.

"Hello, Rae."

"Hello. Dare I hope you were eager to see me?"

"Roommate insanity." I flip off the Ipod and take the speakers out of my ears. Coiling the cord around the unit, I stuff it into the inner pocket of my jacket. Thank the gods, he's not wearing a sports coat. Dockers, yes, with a graphic Tshirt. I am justified.

"Candace?" He extends his hand. I take it and slide off the railing. His eyes, yep dark gray, are gleaming. Must've enjoyed the view.

"She was under the mistaken impression that lunch and art required fancier dress. I left her with half a closet worth of clothes to put away." I tug at my hand. He lets go, reluctantly.

"I see. Emotional, isn't she?"

"You would think she was the one going out." I shake my head and head down the steps, Rae right beside me. "It was either retreat or throttle her."

"I'm sure her heart was in the right place."

"Look, Rae." I stop and swing to face him. "I'm not good with this whole dating thing. The only guy who paid me court was after my family business. I put him in the ER with a nose busted in two places. You want to be friends, cool. Anything more is going to take time. And I don't play sex-buddies either. Those are my terms. If you don't agree to any, we end this right here and now." Rae looks a little surprised. He studies me intently. I adjust my stance and jam my hands into my pockets, caressing Boo. It shouldn't come to that. Please don't let it come to that.

It Burns.

The disappointment. The irritation. The knowledge that if I don't push, it won't get done. But if I do push, am I any better then the ones that came before? He kept saying "Tell me when something's wrong. Don't be afraid to stand up to me. She never could. That was the deathknell. She was too afraid of conflict."

Well, I told him. And all he said was "I'm sorry." Just sat there, watching TV. Didn't move to do anything about it. We made the agreement. I've kept my end. I know he's tired from his job. I know he's still feeling the effects of the diet. So what? I keep my end. I do my part, every week without fail. If I didn't, I know I'd get scolded.

Why don't I have the courage to scold him? Why am I afraid to point and say "Get this done. I'm sick of it. You agreed. Now keep your word."

Because of my mother. Because of the prick I married before. Challenging them only ended in tears and pain for me. Nothing else. I don't want to cross that line, yet I fall back into the old behaviors. Not eating. Crying by myself, not wanting to show my pain, my weakness. I let the burn continue and accept it as part of me. Yet I am disgusted with myself, giving in to this passive aggressiveness. I'm beyond this. Or at least I should be.

It burns.

The frustration, the desire for violence. The longing to strike out, to force understanding with fists and words. Wanting to bleed. Wishing I could just not give a damn and punch the wall, not caring if I broke my fingers. Or put my fist through the monitor.

I am angry. It's a familiar, futile anger. To give in, to let it spill out, it won't accomplish anything. It never does. I'll get apologies and back rubs and all will be forgotten in days.

I don't want a fight. I don't want the coldness between us in the night. But I have to do something or my coldness will consume me. It's always in the night. Everything comes to a head for me between the hours of 8 and midnight, right when he's winding down. Striking when the opponet is weak.

I want a sword.