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Haunted followup.
Oct. 19th, 2004 11:09 amOk, so here's the story. Three years ago I walked away from a fan club because of a love triangle that went horribly south. Think of any soap opera triangle and you'll have a fairly good idea. In my defense, I will say I was in rebound and I didn't kiss Wolf. 22, just divorced, single mom with little life experience does = stupid. I admit it. So, I left the group and lived my own life, accepting the fact that I would not be going back.
Nine months later, Wolf came back into my life on Christmas Eve, 2001. By Feb. 2002, we were unofficially engaged. (no ring) Needless to say, the group I had left didn't take kindly to it. I don't know all the details, hell, I don't know half the details. But I can guess. Captain (the third party) was furious and took me to task over Wolf. Treated me just like the father of a nubile daughter coming down on a suspicious suitor. He even told me point blank that if it didn't work out and Wolf suicided, it would be all my fault. Wolf and I laughed about that and got married May, 2003.
Fast forward to now. Moving in with Gumby-chan has brought us into direct contact with this same group, more or less. Captain wants to be friends with Wolf again. Wolf, not me. Ok, I can accept that. He has about a bad a track record with exes as I do. The dinner went well, all things considered.
Sunday morning, a member of that group died from liver failure. She had ovarian cancer the same year I left that metasticized (sp?) into her abdomen. Chemo had worked and she was in remission until this year. Once she went down, she went hard and fast. All of us went down to see her Saturday night to say goodbye without saying goodbye. You understand. I am probably alone in NOT grieving for her. She had a big hand in the drama three years ago, which I didn't find out about until much later. It took me until last week to forgive her. I blessed her when I saw her and wished her well in the next life. (she's also pagan) Sunday afternoon, there was a gathering at her daughter's house. That was where my ex blew up at Gumby-chan and her drunk daughter informed me she could only be civil now, otherwise she'd be ripping my throat out. This daughter has severe anger-management issues. I've known that for years, but as far as I knew, I had done NOTHING to her, so WTF? Then again, she takes offense at anything bad that remotely connects to her family, and Captain did have very strong feelings for her mother. *shrug*
What I have learned from the drama of the past weekend is that I am very, very angry. Not with Pat for dying, gods, she needed to go. More power to her in her next life. What I am angry with is this group. I walked away because I thought it was in the best interest for everyone. That didn't stop them from badmouthing me before, during and after April, 2001. But it was all behind my back. It's been three years, I was hoping that bygones will be bygones. I realize it was a VERY BAD DAY for everyone involved, so no one was at their best. And not grieving for Pat will probably make me look worse. Oh well. I don't like being ignored or teased or tolerated because I'm "Wolf's wife". The same thing happened when I was with my exhusband, which again, I didn't find out about until much later.
What I would like to do is stand up in front of them and say "Look. Three people made a mistake three years ago. It wasn't just ME. Get over it and play nice. I am not the bitch other people make me out to be." But I doubt I'm going to get that chance, mainly because I hate confrontations and doing that would be seen as a confrontation. So, I'll play nice as a member of Stormbringer, hold my head high and not show weakness.
I'm also very, very angry with my exhusband. I didn't mind when he only chewed me out, I was used to it. But he went after Gumby-chan, someone who was helping us out and trying to get all of his crewmembers to play nice. I didn't get much closure with him either, nor am I ever to. After all, he's the father of my son. See? Even in here I'm playing nice. Wolf and I talked about it yesterday after I had called the courts. He wants a restraining order and possibly prosecution for failure to pay child support. The ex owes me over 32K right now and it's only going to go up. I'm still waiting to hear from the courts.
So, yeah. Instead of grieving for an old friend, Queenie is processing emotional baggage she shoved into her inner closet and locked the door on. Time to sit down and dig through the cases. And cry. Alone, because that's how I cry. Alone and angry.
Nine months later, Wolf came back into my life on Christmas Eve, 2001. By Feb. 2002, we were unofficially engaged. (no ring) Needless to say, the group I had left didn't take kindly to it. I don't know all the details, hell, I don't know half the details. But I can guess. Captain (the third party) was furious and took me to task over Wolf. Treated me just like the father of a nubile daughter coming down on a suspicious suitor. He even told me point blank that if it didn't work out and Wolf suicided, it would be all my fault. Wolf and I laughed about that and got married May, 2003.
Fast forward to now. Moving in with Gumby-chan has brought us into direct contact with this same group, more or less. Captain wants to be friends with Wolf again. Wolf, not me. Ok, I can accept that. He has about a bad a track record with exes as I do. The dinner went well, all things considered.
Sunday morning, a member of that group died from liver failure. She had ovarian cancer the same year I left that metasticized (sp?) into her abdomen. Chemo had worked and she was in remission until this year. Once she went down, she went hard and fast. All of us went down to see her Saturday night to say goodbye without saying goodbye. You understand. I am probably alone in NOT grieving for her. She had a big hand in the drama three years ago, which I didn't find out about until much later. It took me until last week to forgive her. I blessed her when I saw her and wished her well in the next life. (she's also pagan) Sunday afternoon, there was a gathering at her daughter's house. That was where my ex blew up at Gumby-chan and her drunk daughter informed me she could only be civil now, otherwise she'd be ripping my throat out. This daughter has severe anger-management issues. I've known that for years, but as far as I knew, I had done NOTHING to her, so WTF? Then again, she takes offense at anything bad that remotely connects to her family, and Captain did have very strong feelings for her mother. *shrug*
What I have learned from the drama of the past weekend is that I am very, very angry. Not with Pat for dying, gods, she needed to go. More power to her in her next life. What I am angry with is this group. I walked away because I thought it was in the best interest for everyone. That didn't stop them from badmouthing me before, during and after April, 2001. But it was all behind my back. It's been three years, I was hoping that bygones will be bygones. I realize it was a VERY BAD DAY for everyone involved, so no one was at their best. And not grieving for Pat will probably make me look worse. Oh well. I don't like being ignored or teased or tolerated because I'm "Wolf's wife". The same thing happened when I was with my exhusband, which again, I didn't find out about until much later.
What I would like to do is stand up in front of them and say "Look. Three people made a mistake three years ago. It wasn't just ME. Get over it and play nice. I am not the bitch other people make me out to be." But I doubt I'm going to get that chance, mainly because I hate confrontations and doing that would be seen as a confrontation. So, I'll play nice as a member of Stormbringer, hold my head high and not show weakness.
I'm also very, very angry with my exhusband. I didn't mind when he only chewed me out, I was used to it. But he went after Gumby-chan, someone who was helping us out and trying to get all of his crewmembers to play nice. I didn't get much closure with him either, nor am I ever to. After all, he's the father of my son. See? Even in here I'm playing nice. Wolf and I talked about it yesterday after I had called the courts. He wants a restraining order and possibly prosecution for failure to pay child support. The ex owes me over 32K right now and it's only going to go up. I'm still waiting to hear from the courts.
So, yeah. Instead of grieving for an old friend, Queenie is processing emotional baggage she shoved into her inner closet and locked the door on. Time to sit down and dig through the cases. And cry. Alone, because that's how I cry. Alone and angry.
