![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
May. 1st, 2007 06:31 pmThe maiden who on the first of May
Rises at the break of day
and washes from the dew of the hawthorn tree
ever more will handsome be.
Finally get to an area where hawthorn might actually GROW, AND I'm up at the break of dawn, but I'm in no way qualified to be called 'Maiden', what with the two kiddos, so boo. I should just give up on that spell. Wolf thinks I'm gorgeous, so it really shouldn't matter.
But this brings up an intersting point. Wolf and I are planning to have Becca's Wiccaning ceremony at rbdarkly's Beltane celebration at the end of the month. While discussing the details of said ritual, I realized something important.
I am not comfortable with the Maiden.
It seriously bothered me when Wolf suggested Artemis. She's a natural arctype, given her status as Huntress and patron of young things. I actually got a little angry thinking about it. I'm getting angry WRITING about it.
I think I know why. I feel that the Maiden time of my life has passed, and it wasn't a good time. College, the ex-husband, the verbal abuse, the condescending attitudes from the maternal unit, the triangle with Cap'n and Wolf...
It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what a terrible time that really was. I don't find joy in being young and innocent, I want to either cry or shake. (NOTE! This has NOTHING to do with Becca.) My eight year old niece tests my patience regularly with her bossy attitude. It doesn't help that she's ADHD.
Baby calls!
EDIT: So! We've determined that I have made a cross-association that blocks me from a very important aspect of myself. I have discovered a hollow tree in the back yard. This is fascinating to me, as I never saw such a thing in CO. It's still upright, but two-thirds consumed from the inside. There's a gap just big enough for children and small adults to slip into and the tree itself is just wide enough to accomodate me. I intend to spend some serious thinking time in this tree and figure out what to do. Yay for the Zoloft, if I wasn't taking it I'd be a blubbering mess right now.
Rises at the break of day
and washes from the dew of the hawthorn tree
ever more will handsome be.
Finally get to an area where hawthorn might actually GROW, AND I'm up at the break of dawn, but I'm in no way qualified to be called 'Maiden', what with the two kiddos, so boo. I should just give up on that spell. Wolf thinks I'm gorgeous, so it really shouldn't matter.
But this brings up an intersting point. Wolf and I are planning to have Becca's Wiccaning ceremony at rbdarkly's Beltane celebration at the end of the month. While discussing the details of said ritual, I realized something important.
I am not comfortable with the Maiden.
It seriously bothered me when Wolf suggested Artemis. She's a natural arctype, given her status as Huntress and patron of young things. I actually got a little angry thinking about it. I'm getting angry WRITING about it.
I think I know why. I feel that the Maiden time of my life has passed, and it wasn't a good time. College, the ex-husband, the verbal abuse, the condescending attitudes from the maternal unit, the triangle with Cap'n and Wolf...
It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what a terrible time that really was. I don't find joy in being young and innocent, I want to either cry or shake. (NOTE! This has NOTHING to do with Becca.) My eight year old niece tests my patience regularly with her bossy attitude. It doesn't help that she's ADHD.
Baby calls!
EDIT: So! We've determined that I have made a cross-association that blocks me from a very important aspect of myself. I have discovered a hollow tree in the back yard. This is fascinating to me, as I never saw such a thing in CO. It's still upright, but two-thirds consumed from the inside. There's a gap just big enough for children and small adults to slip into and the tree itself is just wide enough to accomodate me. I intend to spend some serious thinking time in this tree and figure out what to do. Yay for the Zoloft, if I wasn't taking it I'd be a blubbering mess right now.
