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I suppose it's for the best.
Sep. 3rd, 2011 09:37 pmAnger Dragon appears to be satisfied with the Thursday evening pre-karate class meditation. Chomp chomp.
I am still Sad, but that is only to be expected.
Irony drips from me, when I look at the last three days and realize that the knowledgeable nurses' loving attempts to talk me out of cutting myself did not have nearly as much impact as Drunk 2011 Doc Holiday.
Maybe it's because I know HE'S been there before and I was witness to parts of the aftermath.
I love you all, but sometimes one who has already personally walked through the Dark Side is the best one to block the gate and say "No. You really don't want to."
Rational, practical Queenie has regained her throne (Hahaha*sarcasm*) and decreed that the wolf tattoo is QUITE ENOUGH and I don't HAVE to tell any future lovers about the dead husband symbology if I don't want to, I can say it's my Spirit Animal, because for a few years in the '00s that was true. And, let's be honest, any future lovers will have already been thoroughly briefed about my widowhood before I get naked for them.
After dark is the hardest time for me now. The children are in bed and I'm alone with my thoughts unless I do a good job at distracting myself. IDK is becoming even more cuddly and wanting to give me hugs and kisses until I want to scream at him to stop because it's werding me out. I usually go the "Not right now, kiddo, I don't feel up for it." route. The "I love you Mommy"s have also noticeably increased. I realize he's a sensitive child and is picking up on my depression and wanting only to help, but Goddess! I don't want to be smothered with affection from my son! An 11 year old boy should not be blowing his 33 year old mother kisses every hour! And it really doesn't help that he gets pissy when I ask him to stop.
Augh.
Wake me up when September ends.
I am still Sad, but that is only to be expected.
Irony drips from me, when I look at the last three days and realize that the knowledgeable nurses' loving attempts to talk me out of cutting myself did not have nearly as much impact as Drunk 2011 Doc Holiday.
Maybe it's because I know HE'S been there before and I was witness to parts of the aftermath.
I love you all, but sometimes one who has already personally walked through the Dark Side is the best one to block the gate and say "No. You really don't want to."
Rational, practical Queenie has regained her throne (Hahaha*sarcasm*) and decreed that the wolf tattoo is QUITE ENOUGH and I don't HAVE to tell any future lovers about the dead husband symbology if I don't want to, I can say it's my Spirit Animal, because for a few years in the '00s that was true. And, let's be honest, any future lovers will have already been thoroughly briefed about my widowhood before I get naked for them.
After dark is the hardest time for me now. The children are in bed and I'm alone with my thoughts unless I do a good job at distracting myself. IDK is becoming even more cuddly and wanting to give me hugs and kisses until I want to scream at him to stop because it's werding me out. I usually go the "Not right now, kiddo, I don't feel up for it." route. The "I love you Mommy"s have also noticeably increased. I realize he's a sensitive child and is picking up on my depression and wanting only to help, but Goddess! I don't want to be smothered with affection from my son! An 11 year old boy should not be blowing his 33 year old mother kisses every hour! And it really doesn't help that he gets pissy when I ask him to stop.
Augh.
Wake me up when September ends.
