![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ok, Psyche, I get the message
Sep. 21st, 2011 08:44 pmSo remember how I said Psyche gave us girls dreams?
Yeah. I got mine last night. It was a doozy.
I'm at work and I start coughing. This is not surprising, given the current particulate count from sawdust and mud dust and dry wall dust. What is surprising is the BLOOD.
Yes. I am coughing up blood so bad my mask is coated in red. I announce I have to go to the hospital, and I go, but for some reason some of my "co-workers" (Y'all know what I think of THEM.) are at the hospital too. I'm still coughing up blood and my hands are now dripping with it. Dr. Monroe gets me into Xray and they position me for a chest shot. It's very hard to hold still when one is COUGHING UP BLOOD every MINUTE.
Time Jump!
Dr. Monroe comes out of the Xray room all smiles. "Good news!" She says, handing me a sonogram card. "You're pregnant!"
W...T...F????????
I take the card and sure enough, it's a black and white grainy sonogram. I can just make out the facial features. I could swear it's SMILING.
"But I CAN'T BE PREGNANT!!!" I holler. "I haven't had SEX in over a YEAR! I'm a BLOODY WIDOW!!"
Right about here is where Wolf shows up, all smiles, and says "Oh, don't worry, honey. You've got all the support you need."
"You're about 26 weeks along!" Dr. Monroe chirps, completely ignoring my outburst.
"You could always abort, you know." Shop Boss chimes in. I glare at him.
"No. I've seen the face. I can't do that. I'm having this baby." I say, sighing with resignation.
Right about here is when I woke up. Freaky, yes?
I talked it over with A, and we came to the conclusion that the blood represents the pain of change/moving on. The "co-workers" represent the fear of failure in said moving on. The pregnancy is me getting ready to be reborn. I've seen the face of True Blue Me. I'm almost to the end of the First Year Without Wolf. My refusal to abort the process and accepting the pregnancy is Me telling Me that I AM getting there. Over halfway there, as a matter of fact. It was by accepting this fact that the bloody lungs stopped.
I've paid a huge price for where I am now emotionally and professionally. I am doing something right, and that's good. That light at the end of the tunnel is a little bit brighter. Someday, I WILL get there.
Yeah. I got mine last night. It was a doozy.
I'm at work and I start coughing. This is not surprising, given the current particulate count from sawdust and mud dust and dry wall dust. What is surprising is the BLOOD.
Yes. I am coughing up blood so bad my mask is coated in red. I announce I have to go to the hospital, and I go, but for some reason some of my "co-workers" (Y'all know what I think of THEM.) are at the hospital too. I'm still coughing up blood and my hands are now dripping with it. Dr. Monroe gets me into Xray and they position me for a chest shot. It's very hard to hold still when one is COUGHING UP BLOOD every MINUTE.
Time Jump!
Dr. Monroe comes out of the Xray room all smiles. "Good news!" She says, handing me a sonogram card. "You're pregnant!"
W...T...F????????
I take the card and sure enough, it's a black and white grainy sonogram. I can just make out the facial features. I could swear it's SMILING.
"But I CAN'T BE PREGNANT!!!" I holler. "I haven't had SEX in over a YEAR! I'm a BLOODY WIDOW!!"
Right about here is where Wolf shows up, all smiles, and says "Oh, don't worry, honey. You've got all the support you need."
"You're about 26 weeks along!" Dr. Monroe chirps, completely ignoring my outburst.
"You could always abort, you know." Shop Boss chimes in. I glare at him.
"No. I've seen the face. I can't do that. I'm having this baby." I say, sighing with resignation.
Right about here is when I woke up. Freaky, yes?
I talked it over with A, and we came to the conclusion that the blood represents the pain of change/moving on. The "co-workers" represent the fear of failure in said moving on. The pregnancy is me getting ready to be reborn. I've seen the face of True Blue Me. I'm almost to the end of the First Year Without Wolf. My refusal to abort the process and accepting the pregnancy is Me telling Me that I AM getting there. Over halfway there, as a matter of fact. It was by accepting this fact that the bloody lungs stopped.
I've paid a huge price for where I am now emotionally and professionally. I am doing something right, and that's good. That light at the end of the tunnel is a little bit brighter. Someday, I WILL get there.
