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The Indigo grows
Aug. 30th, 2013 10:50 amRather, it surges to the fore again.
I finally have a counselor. First appointment was today. She's got a sunny personality and despises paperwork. We covered my risk assessment and I'm borderline low for suicide, so I don't need to be hospitalized. whee. I see her again next week to finish the rest of the profile.
I've been wanting to cry since yesterday. I picked up "Simple Abundance" again and read through the summer months like a novel. I got as far as September before I just couldn't take it anymore. How can I reap Joy when all I have is Sorrow? How can I foster Grace when I want to die? How do I bless my house, my job search or my novel when I feel so empty?
There are still good tidbits in this book. I have a tidy junk drawer and spice cupboard thanks to it. I've purged my closet twice. I finished another strip of my crochet blanket of DOOOOM and spent two episodes of "Top Gear" rewinding a partial skein of yarn into a neat ball to prevent further tangling. Izzy-kitty was VERY INTERESTED in the process, but the resulting ball was too big and heavy to bat around properly. I will start another strip sometime this weekend. I much prefer long, flat crocheting to three dimensional shapes. SLB found crocheted tank slippers on the Intawebs and asked if Zahde could do it. I reminded him she's bad at deadlines.
"Can you do it?"
"I don't know how."
At this point "Simple Abundance" would say "Try it! If you fail, it's not the end of the world." My response would be "If I fail, it will disappoint my boyfriend and that is a Bad Thing. So I'm not going to bother and continue working on this blanket, TYVM."
I am not looking forward to the Family Picnic on Monday. There will be something dedicated to Wolf and I'm having a hard enough time as it is.
I finally have a counselor. First appointment was today. She's got a sunny personality and despises paperwork. We covered my risk assessment and I'm borderline low for suicide, so I don't need to be hospitalized. whee. I see her again next week to finish the rest of the profile.
I've been wanting to cry since yesterday. I picked up "Simple Abundance" again and read through the summer months like a novel. I got as far as September before I just couldn't take it anymore. How can I reap Joy when all I have is Sorrow? How can I foster Grace when I want to die? How do I bless my house, my job search or my novel when I feel so empty?
There are still good tidbits in this book. I have a tidy junk drawer and spice cupboard thanks to it. I've purged my closet twice. I finished another strip of my crochet blanket of DOOOOM and spent two episodes of "Top Gear" rewinding a partial skein of yarn into a neat ball to prevent further tangling. Izzy-kitty was VERY INTERESTED in the process, but the resulting ball was too big and heavy to bat around properly. I will start another strip sometime this weekend. I much prefer long, flat crocheting to three dimensional shapes. SLB found crocheted tank slippers on the Intawebs and asked if Zahde could do it. I reminded him she's bad at deadlines.
"Can you do it?"
"I don't know how."
At this point "Simple Abundance" would say "Try it! If you fail, it's not the end of the world." My response would be "If I fail, it will disappoint my boyfriend and that is a Bad Thing. So I'm not going to bother and continue working on this blanket, TYVM."
I am not looking forward to the Family Picnic on Monday. There will be something dedicated to Wolf and I'm having a hard enough time as it is.
