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A Long December
Dec. 31st, 2013 12:11 pmand there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better then the last.
Well, there is, I suppose. I have SLB and he's been very helpful during my Indigo times, he's even learned to back off when I tell him I need to be alone. My kiddos are doing well. Family as a whole is healthy. There's been death, but it was a good death. I have a good job now, best job I've had in 6 years, and I'm told I'll be considered for perm hire when they're ready to do that.
None of this helps the Indigo, she really is that much of a bitch. She's been driving since Sunday night and I don't have the energy to kick her away from the wheel. We'll see how this affects tonight. A drink or two and I'll either cheer up or Indigo will get some time. Meh.
Had an argument w/SLB this morning. Part of it was probably the fact we were only partially awake. He was insulted over my telling him he shouldn't have put too-small Cuteness clothes back in her drawer. His view that one small stack of too-small clothes was not justification for telling him he was wrong and all his hard work was for naught. My view was that anything that was too small should be bagged up for family dispersal. I explained this to him and reminded him I was grateful for what he had done. He asked if I wanted people criticizing me on something so small when not saying anything would be preferable. I blinked and said I was criticized all the time. I had already apologized, twice. "You shouldn't accept that, Queenie. You should cultivate the world you want to live in where something this small shouldn't matter." He says. "Why are you bringing this up and saying everything I did yesterday was a waste?"
"We're talking in circles. I've already apologized. I don't know what else to say." I said and walked away.
Now. This was a small thing. A small thing that confused Cuteness & myself because rearranging her drawers was rearranging her routine and to me it made no sense to put too-small clothes in the drawer. I could not understand why he took such offense at being told "Next time, don't do this." I've had a migraine all morning, but I think I understand now. This is another product of his childhood, where any mistake, big or small, invoked yelling and scolding and general putting down. Hence, he reacts defensively and feels insulted.
...
This is not my problem, and yet, it is. I don't mind finding better ways to communicate, but it would be nice if I didn't have to. Still, I know how hard it is to reprogram oneself, especially when one doesn't want to.
*SIGH*
Maybe next year will be better then the last.
Well, there is, I suppose. I have SLB and he's been very helpful during my Indigo times, he's even learned to back off when I tell him I need to be alone. My kiddos are doing well. Family as a whole is healthy. There's been death, but it was a good death. I have a good job now, best job I've had in 6 years, and I'm told I'll be considered for perm hire when they're ready to do that.
None of this helps the Indigo, she really is that much of a bitch. She's been driving since Sunday night and I don't have the energy to kick her away from the wheel. We'll see how this affects tonight. A drink or two and I'll either cheer up or Indigo will get some time. Meh.
Had an argument w/SLB this morning. Part of it was probably the fact we were only partially awake. He was insulted over my telling him he shouldn't have put too-small Cuteness clothes back in her drawer. His view that one small stack of too-small clothes was not justification for telling him he was wrong and all his hard work was for naught. My view was that anything that was too small should be bagged up for family dispersal. I explained this to him and reminded him I was grateful for what he had done. He asked if I wanted people criticizing me on something so small when not saying anything would be preferable. I blinked and said I was criticized all the time. I had already apologized, twice. "You shouldn't accept that, Queenie. You should cultivate the world you want to live in where something this small shouldn't matter." He says. "Why are you bringing this up and saying everything I did yesterday was a waste?"
"We're talking in circles. I've already apologized. I don't know what else to say." I said and walked away.
Now. This was a small thing. A small thing that confused Cuteness & myself because rearranging her drawers was rearranging her routine and to me it made no sense to put too-small clothes in the drawer. I could not understand why he took such offense at being told "Next time, don't do this." I've had a migraine all morning, but I think I understand now. This is another product of his childhood, where any mistake, big or small, invoked yelling and scolding and general putting down. Hence, he reacts defensively and feels insulted.
...
This is not my problem, and yet, it is. I don't mind finding better ways to communicate, but it would be nice if I didn't have to. Still, I know how hard it is to reprogram oneself, especially when one doesn't want to.
*SIGH*
Maybe next year will be better then the last.
