If it helps at all "Crucial Conversations" agrees with you that most conflicts arise from people feeling threatened or disrespected. So that is normal.
The solution they recommend is to step out, make it safe and then step back in. You are an adult now. You are not in danger. (Unless you are. It depends on the situation.) One thing to keep in mind is that when your unconscious thinks you are in danger it kicks up the adrenaline and that clouds your ability to think clearly.
There could still be some communication issues. But it is hard to tell. I don't trust SLB to know the difference between and opinion and a fact. He seems to think his opinions are facts. Facts are things that are verifiable. Chocolate is made from the beans of the cocoa plant is a fact. Chocolate is delicious is an opinion.
Things like "good" and "bad" tend to be subjective and a matter of opinion. "Well made" is more technical. Facts can be independently verified. Opinions can be supported by "arguments", reasons or explanations for why one holds the opinion.
I think I'm pretty good about respecting people's opinions. If someone says "I like this" or "I don't like that" I might ask them why. I can see that getting problematic if the person says "Because it is good/bad". I would want them to support that position with evidence. Why they think it is good/bad.
I like to hear people's explanations for why they hold the opinions they do, especially if I hold a different opinion. Maybe they know something I don't. Or maybe I know something they don't.
If someone told me they didn't like chocolate because it was made out of cocaine I would probably argue with them because the basis of the opinion was false. I don't really care if other people like chocolate or not, but it would really drive me crazy if they held their opinion for a reason that was factually inaccurate. That is frequently where semantics comes in it's hard to understand what people mean if they use words differently. And you know I'm a stickler for accuracy.
Most people don't think very much or very deeply about anything and therefor they can't explain why they hold the opinions they hold. I find it very frustrating. I tend not to have opinions on things that I haven't thought about. And if someone points out that I have an unsupported opinion I turn my intellect on the problem and figure out why I believe what I do. That is why I enjoy discussing things, it helps me clarify my thoughts by exposing them to the opinions of others. Sometimes other people can see things I can't.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-05-17 02:16 am (UTC)The solution they recommend is to step out, make it safe and then step back in. You are an adult now. You are not in danger. (Unless you are. It depends on the situation.) One thing to keep in mind is that when your unconscious thinks you are in danger it kicks up the adrenaline and that clouds your ability to think clearly.
There could still be some communication issues. But it is hard to tell. I don't trust SLB to know the difference between and opinion and a fact. He seems to think his opinions are facts. Facts are things that are verifiable. Chocolate is made from the beans of the cocoa plant is a fact. Chocolate is delicious is an opinion.
Things like "good" and "bad" tend to be subjective and a matter of opinion. "Well made" is more technical. Facts can be independently verified. Opinions can be supported by "arguments", reasons or explanations for why one holds the opinion.
I think I'm pretty good about respecting people's opinions. If someone says "I like this" or "I don't like that" I might ask them why. I can see that getting problematic if the person says "Because it is good/bad". I would want them to support that position with evidence. Why they think it is good/bad.
I like to hear people's explanations for why they hold the opinions they do, especially if I hold a different opinion. Maybe they know something I don't. Or maybe I know something they don't.
If someone told me they didn't like chocolate because it was made out of cocaine I would probably argue with them because the basis of the opinion was false. I don't really care if other people like chocolate or not, but it would really drive me crazy if they held their opinion for a reason that was factually inaccurate. That is frequently where semantics comes in it's hard to understand what people mean if they use words differently. And you know I'm a stickler for accuracy.
Most people don't think very much or very deeply about anything and therefor they can't explain why they hold the opinions they hold. I find it very frustrating. I tend not to have opinions on things that I haven't thought about. And if someone points out that I have an unsupported opinion I turn my intellect on the problem and figure out why I believe what I do. That is why I enjoy discussing things, it helps me clarify my thoughts by exposing them to the opinions of others. Sometimes other people can see things I can't.