Nature of Ceremony
Jul. 6th, 2015 09:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodsong1Today wasn't a good day for me emotionally. The job is fine, the new supervisor assures me that I am worth every penny extra I'm making now and I've arranged for another shadow session to expand my team. I'm also getting a lot of work done and really hoping the Big Insurance Company has Big Jobs, because otherwise I can do this all myself. *sigh*
But I digress. I started off angry over something Ex SLB has done. Then I was sad, partially because of the gloomy weather, partially because the gloomy weather is continuing and partially because I'm down to 25 mgs of Zoloft from 50 mgs for over a week now. Trying really hard to not need to go back up, I want OFF this medication. So I was angry and sad and then texted![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chezelliott about what an awesome partner she has in craig139 and she's still my go to Maid of Honor for whenever, even if I end up marrying myself.
Marrying myself.
The rush of eager excitement and anticipation that shot through me took me by surprise. My Inner Romantic, who was languishing in a closet until SLB showed up and shuffled back INTO said closet long before I shooed him out, promptly burst out declaring how wonderful it would be and we could this and we could do that and wouldn't Chezzi and Mowgli look gorgeous with us and we could have it in the early summer outdoors and all our friends would come and....and...
And wait a bloody minute! Marry myself?
"But, you said so on Friday, holding that bunch of parsley, and saying "I do" while eating it!"
That was a joke!
"AWWWWWW!!! Are you sure?" Now I'm staring into the middle distance at work wondering what the hell is going on in my brain.
"You COULD do a dedication ritual to Psyche instead."
WHA?!?
"Well, people keep thinking that diamond on your right hand is an engagement ring, and you bought it for yourself to transform the past and embrace the present, so why not switch it over and declare yourself married or committed to a goddess?"
You just want a ceremony that's all about you and a big party afterward where everyone gives you presents! I scolded Inner Romantic. She pouted.
"Okay, sure, that's a big part of it, but let's face it. You won't get a 20 or 30 year marriage out of a GUY. They either aren't right or they die on you. You can only count on yourself, so why not make it romantic and special and have a party with all your real, closest friends who won't drift away from you because of Life and you actually love anyway?"
*sputters incoherently*
But, if I dedicate myself to one goddess, I won't be able to work with other pantheons. Besides, I could find another guy to count on, be an equal partner. How can I get married to someone else if I'm married to myself?
"Change the contract! Doesn't invalidate what you promised to yourself."
So, apparently Inner Romantic has tired of languishing in my mental closet and has inundated my imagination with ideas for a self wedding. WTBH. This can't be legal. I can see how it would be symbolic, like a nun considering herself "Bride of Christ" (with possibly equal levels of CREEPY). A dedication would be more sensible, but I don't want to limit myself spiritually. I like the Hindu gods a lot, but I don't want to convert to Hinduism.
How was your day?
But I digress. I started off angry over something Ex SLB has done. Then I was sad, partially because of the gloomy weather, partially because the gloomy weather is continuing and partially because I'm down to 25 mgs of Zoloft from 50 mgs for over a week now. Trying really hard to not need to go back up, I want OFF this medication. So I was angry and sad and then texted
chezelliott about what an awesome partner she has in craig139 and she's still my go to Maid of Honor for whenever, even if I end up marrying myself.Marrying myself.
The rush of eager excitement and anticipation that shot through me took me by surprise. My Inner Romantic, who was languishing in a closet until SLB showed up and shuffled back INTO said closet long before I shooed him out, promptly burst out declaring how wonderful it would be and we could this and we could do that and wouldn't Chezzi and Mowgli look gorgeous with us and we could have it in the early summer outdoors and all our friends would come and....and...
And wait a bloody minute! Marry myself?
"But, you said so on Friday, holding that bunch of parsley, and saying "I do" while eating it!"
That was a joke!
"AWWWWWW!!! Are you sure?" Now I'm staring into the middle distance at work wondering what the hell is going on in my brain.
"You COULD do a dedication ritual to Psyche instead."
WHA?!?
"Well, people keep thinking that diamond on your right hand is an engagement ring, and you bought it for yourself to transform the past and embrace the present, so why not switch it over and declare yourself married or committed to a goddess?"
You just want a ceremony that's all about you and a big party afterward where everyone gives you presents! I scolded Inner Romantic. She pouted.
"Okay, sure, that's a big part of it, but let's face it. You won't get a 20 or 30 year marriage out of a GUY. They either aren't right or they die on you. You can only count on yourself, so why not make it romantic and special and have a party with all your real, closest friends who won't drift away from you because of Life and you actually love anyway?"
*sputters incoherently*
But, if I dedicate myself to one goddess, I won't be able to work with other pantheons. Besides, I could find another guy to count on, be an equal partner. How can I get married to someone else if I'm married to myself?
"Change the contract! Doesn't invalidate what you promised to yourself."
So, apparently Inner Romantic has tired of languishing in my mental closet and has inundated my imagination with ideas for a self wedding. WTBH. This can't be legal. I can see how it would be symbolic, like a nun considering herself "Bride of Christ" (with possibly equal levels of CREEPY). A dedication would be more sensible, but I don't want to limit myself spiritually. I like the Hindu gods a lot, but I don't want to convert to Hinduism.
How was your day?
