Thoughts of a personal nature...

Specifically, the ex husband.

I found out from my kiddo last night that his father made an appearance yesterday. At Applebee's. To quote: "He sat beside me."

"Really? That's good to hear."

"Yes, he's my daddy."

"Yes, I know."

Now this presents a bit of a quandry. See, my ex has been hiding from the child support enforcement people for about three years now. Well, that's how long it's been since he's PAID any child support, willingly or unwillingly. Showing up to join his family for Palm Sunday dinner suggests at least a mild interest in his son, which is something I've been wondering about for almost as long. Rumor had it a few years ago he wasn't talking about his ex wife or his child. At all.

So, does he want to spend more time with the kiddo? Is he finally at a place where he wants to be involved, now that he's six? Or was this just a free meal?

I don't know.

I wish I did.

But asking the ex-MIL about it is like talking to a brick wall. She gets defensive every time the ex comes up in conversation. I understand her reasons, he's her son and family looks out for family, especially against an ex spouse who called said son abusive. Which he was and turned that abusiveness on his own sister, but that's neither here nor there.

I'm wondering if it would be worth the bother to make an offer of taking the kiddo directly to the ex. Because once I know where he lives, that information is being reported to the state. I HAVE to. It's part of the divorce decree. That would probably trigger another move on his part. He doesn't want to pay anything, called it blood money. To the judge's face, I might add.

Part of me really doesn't want the kiddo to have any contact with the ex. It's selfish, I know. I don't want to have to re-teach good manners and anger management after every visit. I hope that the ex has changed, but he has no motivation to do so.

Another part of me looks at it and says, "It's what right and fair. If we get some college fund money out of it, great. If not, well, c'est la vie. At least we can't be accused of anything."

So what should I do?

Oh, the ANGST

Boy, that last post was awful. ^_^

I screwed up my courage and called the ex-MIL.

She informed me that lunch yesterday was her treat and until the ex hubby owns up to his responsibility and starts paying, SHE doesn't want to change the visitation.

Yes, she knows where he is. She said she goes and picks him up once in a while so he can see the kiddo for a few hours. She's glad I don't have a problem with that and doesn't think the ex wants to change the situation either.

It strikes me as a little ironic. She doesn't want to give up HER time with her grandson, because that's how the visitation has been conducted ever since the divorce. After the ex disappeared, she found out from me he wasn't paying support and asked if we could continue the way we were. I had no problem with that, so we did.

"I feel more comfortable being there when D's there." Paraphrased, but essence of the statement given to me tonight over the phone.

No, I didn't ask for contact information. I see no need to push when I have her nominally in my corner. Besides, I sincerely doubt she'd give it to me.

I know I'm a coward.

But wanna know something? I'm not the only one afraid of him. His mom and his sister are too. And they're the ones who will suffer if he blows his top over the state finding him. Not me. I'm in Denver and I have a husband that he damn well knows will rearrange his face if he lays a hand on me or the kiddo. Wolf might not do that for his mom and his sister.

So, I guess this is all for the best.