Ain't it funny...

[bloodsong1]

How things turn out.

Wolf is considering a house that's in the final stages of remodeling. We don't think we can get it, but Wolf has to know how much it really is before putting it out of his mind. It's how he works. The conversation this evening gradually turned to Barb, who does have experience living in a house-in-progress.

We've had many conversations about Barb. I was thrilled to finally meet her three years ago, yet there was a moment when I almost broke down. I was in the kitchen making coffee, as Barb was having a bad morning. She came in to get her cup and Wolf came up behind her, hugging her from the back. He's often done the same to me, and the picture they made struck me powerfully. "Now I know how it looks." I thought to myself. "And it is beautiful."

I know their history. I know about when they passed an important test. Being reminded of this makes me appreciate Beltane that much more. There was a reason Barb asked Wolf to HP. She trusts him, which is necessary when dealing with such rogues as Pan and Aphrodite. Those two are bloody dangerous in group settings, as I learned from personal experience. Don't invite Pan to dance with you in clubs, you never know who you're going to get!

I wasn't jealous when they kissed, but at the same time, I was glad I wasn't in the Circle.

I guess, sometimes, I wonder why Wolf chose me. I know he never would have hooked up with Barb in any serious way, yet, sometimes, I'm reminded of their relationship and feel like I'm encroaching. Would I have the strength to say "Go have fun" with a smile on my lips and a clear heart?

Meh. It's probably the fatigue talking.

Then why are you crying?

Comments

[chezelliott.livejournal.com]

Relationships are like overlapping circles. The best ones overlap in a very specific way that's hard to define. Wolf is with you because you are the one he wants to share his life with. Watching you two with your beautiful daughter leaves no doubt about that in anyone's mind. That doesn't mean that his and your circles don't overlap with other people's, though. From what you've posted in your journal, I think the real problem is that you didn't have the support system in your beliefs and in yourself the way Barb did, and the way Wolf did, back in their formative days, and the visible reminders of that are what makes you sad. But you DO have that kind of support system now, and Wolf brought you into that circle of people, knowing that they would accept you wholeheartedly. And knowing as well that you are worthy of being brought into the circle. That's not an insignificant compliment at all. Plus, in my book, the fact that Wolf can be himself in front of you, whether hugging Barb or being HP, without fear or doubt and with faith in your love, is the ultimate statement of trust in you and in your relationship.
For what it's worth, I still can't figure out what Craig sees in me, either.

[sniper3.livejournal.com]

I don't know what an HP is.

but, all the same, *giant fennec hugs*

I can't say I know what kai sees in me either. but I'm happy he does see something in me all the same...

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

HP = High Priest. One of two major players in a group Ritual.

[sniper3.livejournal.com]

I see, I see.

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

*sniffle* *HUGS* Thank you. I really needed that.

*sits down and huggs you*

[aphrodite0666.livejournal.com]

You are one of the strongest women I know. Wolf loves you, he always has:> If he ever does anything that makes you uncomfortable just talk to him about it. Communication makes the world go round. *whispers* And if anyone ever tries to move in our your territory just tell me, I KNOW people *eville grin* *giggle*

Re: *sits down and huggs you*

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

*jawdrop* Wow. That means a lot coming from you, Divinity. Seriously, because YOU are one of the strongest women I know! I mean...*HUGS*

We had a good talk after I posted this. It's all good. ^_^