Are you proud of us, Wolf?

[bloodsong1]

IDK and I advanced to yellow belts tonight. Sensei made it a point to remind me that advancing in rank is only part of the progression. Mental clarity is always important and learning new katas can't be done without a strong foundation in the first katas.

He's right, of course, but considering how much time we had missed due to Wolf's death, I wasn't expecting this honor for another month. I'm actually rather excited about this, as the advanced katas are so very beautiful. I'm looking forward to learning them.

This was a good end to an otherwise sad day. I've made it through the first month and haven't fallen apart at the seams. I can make it through the next month, and the next, and the next.

At 23, I looked into the mirror one cold November evening and said "You know what? You're going to be okay. Even if it's just you and IDK for the rest of your life, you can do it. Yes, you're deeply and truly in love with Wolf, but he's not coming back and you've accepted that fact. Everyone has the one that got away. He's yours. Don't go looking for second best, 'cause you deserve better." Within a month Wolf was back in my life and we were engaged a mere three months later.

Now, it's another cold November. I'm 32, and Wolf is truly gone. I can't look in the mirror yet and say "You're going to be okay!" I can actually meet my own gaze, which is something I haven't really done in the last month. Small steps. Small steps.

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[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen him with a clipboard. It was while we were doing the last round of katas that he pulled me aside and informed me that I've "got" the first three and he was going to promote us.