All right, plot bunnies,
Dec. 29th, 2011 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodsong1Let's see how far you can go.
"Excuse me, Headmaster!" Everyone gasped as Professor Umbridge smoothly interrupted Headmaster Dumbledore's welcoming speech. Students' eyes grew wide with disbelief, suspicion and, yes, even glee as the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher had her say. The rest of the professors looked horrified or insulted or calculating, depending on who one was looking at. A hand clenched around a wand.
Oh, REALLY?
As Professor Umbridge finished her speech, under a table, a wand flicked. She turned and her skirt rolled up her legs to her waist, revealing knee length, light pink, lace-and-frill-trimmed knickers. Gasps echoed again, followed by muffled snorts of laughter. Umbridge slowly turned back, holding her pleasant expression by sheer force of will.
"Who...did...that?" She bit out sweetly. Heads shook as hands covered mouths. Laughter continued to spill from various corners. Umbridge put her nose in the air and turned away, tugging futilely on her skirt.
Let the game begin!!! The coiled skirt snapped back down in place, making a noise just like an old paper window blind snapping up. Umbridge whipped back to the tables of students.
"Whomever was responsible for this...outrage...officially has DETENTION with me starting tomorrow night!"
"Professor, you can't hand out detention without knowing who the culprit was," Dumbledore intervened. He raised his hand. "Student responsible, you are ordered to come to my office immediately after supper." No one acknowledged the command. Dumbledore shrugged slightly at Umbridge.
"You can't punish all the students for one person's misbehavior," He said as Umbridge opened her mouth. Her teeth clicked together when she shut it. "I promise you, Professor, we will find out who embarrassed you. Now! Let's eat!" Umbridge stomped back to her seat.
Oh, she's going to be FUN!
---
For the next few months, Umbridge found herself under attack. Every Official Decree she posted would be changed to a phrase that commented on everything from her favorite color, to her kitten plates and even questioning her parentage. No amount of charm work would remove the derogatory expressions and yet within a few days, they would change back to the proper wording. The timeframe seemed so random. 13 hours, 39 hours, it was so strange.
To make matters worse, every Junior Inquisitor she appointed would eventually vanish for two to thirteen hours. Vanish! No tracking spell could find the poor student. They all came back, turning up in the oddest places, like in Potions in the middle of a class, or in one of the towers, jabbering about strange creatures that took off their heads or a horrible stench. The infirmary usually had one or two a night, too afraid to go to sleep. It was very difficult to keep the disappearances under wraps. What really puzzled Umbridge was that Draco Malfoy was the ONLY ONE who didn't disappear.
---
Things finally came to a head when she fired Sybill Trelawney. Crowds had gathered as she drove Sybill to the gates, a few trunks bobbing along. McGonagall chased after them, yelling at Umbridge to stop.
"She has been derelict in her duties, Minerva," Dolores said firmly. "I can't have her teaching such nonsense!"
"You are NOT the Headmaster here!" Minerva shot back, hugging Sybill with one arm. A sign appeared over Dolores' head, reading "I THINK I AM!" and sporting a big red arrow pointing down. This time the students didn't hold back their laughter. Dolores looked up and her lips pinched.
"STOP DOING THAT!!!" She shrieked, sounding rather like an overheated tea kettle. "COME OUT THIS INSTANT YOU NAUGHTY CHILD!!!"
A gust of wind whipped around the courtyard. Sybill trembled, eyes darting all around. In the sudden silence, the click of expensive boot heels on cobblestones rang out. Students parted as one of their own emerged from the crowd. Umbridge slowly turned, a faint smile on her face. Unnoticed by her, the sign changed to read "She's THICK!"
The student in question had bushy dark brown hair with platinum highlights. Her uniform marked her as a Ravenclaw, but her cloak flared behind her roguishly and her jumper, when looked at from just the right angle, seemed to shimmer. She stopped several meters away from Umbridge, folded her arms and looked.
"Your name, child?" Umbridge asked sweetly.
"You haven't GUESSED?" The student asked mockingly. "She's THICK!" started flashing in rainbow colors.
"Do not play games with me!" Umbridge snapped, losing most of her sweet tone. The student smirked.
"Little late for that, isn't it?"
"Specialis Revelio!" Umbridge said, waving her wand.
"DOLORES!!" McGonogall gasped. The student's wand snapped up in front of her face and the spell ricocheted off the wood and into the air, where it exploded into nothingness. Gasps rang out again, with a few small attempts at applause. The student cocked her head.
"Truth spells? Really, Umbridge. I would have thought a Ministry Mole could do better then this!" The sign changed to "Naked Mole Rat in Sheep's Clothing!" in bright pink. Umbridge's face grew mottled.
"Now see here, CHILD. You are showing an appalling lack of manners. Since it is apparent your parents have done a very poor job with you, I will take you under my wing and show you the proper way to behave towards ADULTS." Umbridge's mottling went from pink to purple when the child in question burst out laughing.
"Oh, Umbridge! How droll!" She gasped out, wiping her eyes. Her hand dropped and all hilarity vanished. The courtyard seemed to get a little darker and Sybill whimpered. "Know this, Madame Mole. My parents raised me quite well, thank you. I bet you don't know how to curtsey to a Fairy, or have tea with a unicorn, or how to get a troll to agree with you while at the same time believing it's his idea all along. I have been GENEROUS with you. I've dropped so many crumbs I'm surprised your shoes aren't covered in pecking birds! HOW can you not know who I am?"
"Tell me you name, child," Dolores repeated, back to her syrupy tones. The girl threw her arms wide.
"Father! Mother! Bear witness to this, my victory!! I have worked fine mischief and my target is so incredibly dense, she doesn't have a bloody clue!!" A cacophony of hoots and screeches sent everyone jumping. From the eyrie, every owl boarded at Hogwarts came streaming out and soaring over the courtyard. People ducked as the flock circled three times around and flew back to their roosts. The girl lowered her arms and smirked.
"I win." She strolled forward, crackling with menace. Sybill hid her face in McGonogall's shoulder. The student stopped two footsteps in front of Umbridge and loomed.
"You are lucky I AM so generous, Madame Mole. Otherwise you would have been fed to the lake creatures after your first insipid attempt to take control of this school. It would have been SO inconsiderate to the giant squid. The poor creature would have had a HORRIBLE case of heartburn!" She hissed. Umbridge turned mottled purple again.
"MISS WILLIAMS!" Dumbledore thundered, arriving at the scene.
"Yes, Headmaster?" Miss Williams asked, still looming.
"You've had your fun. Now leave Professor Umbridge alone."
"As you wish, Headmaster," Miss Williams gave Umbridge a smile that looked a little too sharp, stepped around her and bowed formally to McGonogall and Sybill.
"With your permission, Madame Divinator, I would help you with your things."
"That will be fine, Miss Williams," McGonogall agreed as Sybill started trembling. The two women swept around Umbridge and headed back inside. Miss Williams followed behind, rapping Umbridge smartly upside the head with her wand as she passed. The sign collapsed into Umbridge's hair and melted into pink goo.
"Headmaster," Umbridge bit out. "Aren't you going to do something?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Professor Umbridge. Miss Williams is from a very OLD and POWERFUL family. To expel her over what amounts to a handful of harmless pranks would be seen as a terrible over reaction. I don't know about you, but I like Gringotts the way it is."
"She...must...be...punished!"
"I will speak to Professor Flitwick. As her Head of Household, he is the only one authorized to administer punishment."
"That is unacceptable!"
"It will have to do, Professor. After all, you are not the Headmaster here."
"Not for long," Umbridge hissed and stomped off, pink goo dripping down into her pink clothes.
-----
"Oh, Father, it was glorious! The look of utter SHOCK! I didn't know a mortal could turn such colors!"
"An excellent game, Jen, and you won straight out. I'm very proud of you." Jen's father smiled at her from the crystal. There was a garbled noise and he sighed. "Your mother would like to remind you to take whatever punishment is given with good grace and to NOT start any more games until the year is over and you can come home."
"Is it that bad?" Jen asked, face somber. Her father nodded.
"It will be much worse very soon."
"I can't warn them?"
"Albus has had all the warnings he needs. This is not our war, Jen-Ben-My-Len, and you will come home as soon as your finals are done." Jen sighed and nodded.
"As you wish, Father. And tell Mummy I'll be extra special good for the rest of the year."
"That's my girl!" Mummy called, just out of sight. Jen giggled, kissed the crystal and let it POP. A knock sounded on her door.
"Hey, Jen? The first years are clamoring for another story. Do you mind?"
"Not at all Etsy! Be right down!" Jennifer Carath, Princess of the Goblins, swung off the huge bed in her private room at the very top of Ravenclaw Tower and bounced out the door to entertain her housemates with tales of Fireys and Fairies and Noble Knights and Brave Steeds.
I think her punishment will be along the lines of a formal apology, written and stamped with the Ravenclaw seal and house arrest for the rest of the year. Pity Umbridge doesn't know about mirrors. (^_^)
"Excuse me, Headmaster!" Everyone gasped as Professor Umbridge smoothly interrupted Headmaster Dumbledore's welcoming speech. Students' eyes grew wide with disbelief, suspicion and, yes, even glee as the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher had her say. The rest of the professors looked horrified or insulted or calculating, depending on who one was looking at. A hand clenched around a wand.
Oh, REALLY?
As Professor Umbridge finished her speech, under a table, a wand flicked. She turned and her skirt rolled up her legs to her waist, revealing knee length, light pink, lace-and-frill-trimmed knickers. Gasps echoed again, followed by muffled snorts of laughter. Umbridge slowly turned back, holding her pleasant expression by sheer force of will.
"Who...did...that?" She bit out sweetly. Heads shook as hands covered mouths. Laughter continued to spill from various corners. Umbridge put her nose in the air and turned away, tugging futilely on her skirt.
Let the game begin!!! The coiled skirt snapped back down in place, making a noise just like an old paper window blind snapping up. Umbridge whipped back to the tables of students.
"Whomever was responsible for this...outrage...officially has DETENTION with me starting tomorrow night!"
"Professor, you can't hand out detention without knowing who the culprit was," Dumbledore intervened. He raised his hand. "Student responsible, you are ordered to come to my office immediately after supper." No one acknowledged the command. Dumbledore shrugged slightly at Umbridge.
"You can't punish all the students for one person's misbehavior," He said as Umbridge opened her mouth. Her teeth clicked together when she shut it. "I promise you, Professor, we will find out who embarrassed you. Now! Let's eat!" Umbridge stomped back to her seat.
Oh, she's going to be FUN!
---
For the next few months, Umbridge found herself under attack. Every Official Decree she posted would be changed to a phrase that commented on everything from her favorite color, to her kitten plates and even questioning her parentage. No amount of charm work would remove the derogatory expressions and yet within a few days, they would change back to the proper wording. The timeframe seemed so random. 13 hours, 39 hours, it was so strange.
To make matters worse, every Junior Inquisitor she appointed would eventually vanish for two to thirteen hours. Vanish! No tracking spell could find the poor student. They all came back, turning up in the oddest places, like in Potions in the middle of a class, or in one of the towers, jabbering about strange creatures that took off their heads or a horrible stench. The infirmary usually had one or two a night, too afraid to go to sleep. It was very difficult to keep the disappearances under wraps. What really puzzled Umbridge was that Draco Malfoy was the ONLY ONE who didn't disappear.
---
Things finally came to a head when she fired Sybill Trelawney. Crowds had gathered as she drove Sybill to the gates, a few trunks bobbing along. McGonagall chased after them, yelling at Umbridge to stop.
"She has been derelict in her duties, Minerva," Dolores said firmly. "I can't have her teaching such nonsense!"
"You are NOT the Headmaster here!" Minerva shot back, hugging Sybill with one arm. A sign appeared over Dolores' head, reading "I THINK I AM!" and sporting a big red arrow pointing down. This time the students didn't hold back their laughter. Dolores looked up and her lips pinched.
"STOP DOING THAT!!!" She shrieked, sounding rather like an overheated tea kettle. "COME OUT THIS INSTANT YOU NAUGHTY CHILD!!!"
A gust of wind whipped around the courtyard. Sybill trembled, eyes darting all around. In the sudden silence, the click of expensive boot heels on cobblestones rang out. Students parted as one of their own emerged from the crowd. Umbridge slowly turned, a faint smile on her face. Unnoticed by her, the sign changed to read "She's THICK!"
The student in question had bushy dark brown hair with platinum highlights. Her uniform marked her as a Ravenclaw, but her cloak flared behind her roguishly and her jumper, when looked at from just the right angle, seemed to shimmer. She stopped several meters away from Umbridge, folded her arms and looked.
"Your name, child?" Umbridge asked sweetly.
"You haven't GUESSED?" The student asked mockingly. "She's THICK!" started flashing in rainbow colors.
"Do not play games with me!" Umbridge snapped, losing most of her sweet tone. The student smirked.
"Little late for that, isn't it?"
"Specialis Revelio!" Umbridge said, waving her wand.
"DOLORES!!" McGonogall gasped. The student's wand snapped up in front of her face and the spell ricocheted off the wood and into the air, where it exploded into nothingness. Gasps rang out again, with a few small attempts at applause. The student cocked her head.
"Truth spells? Really, Umbridge. I would have thought a Ministry Mole could do better then this!" The sign changed to "Naked Mole Rat in Sheep's Clothing!" in bright pink. Umbridge's face grew mottled.
"Now see here, CHILD. You are showing an appalling lack of manners. Since it is apparent your parents have done a very poor job with you, I will take you under my wing and show you the proper way to behave towards ADULTS." Umbridge's mottling went from pink to purple when the child in question burst out laughing.
"Oh, Umbridge! How droll!" She gasped out, wiping her eyes. Her hand dropped and all hilarity vanished. The courtyard seemed to get a little darker and Sybill whimpered. "Know this, Madame Mole. My parents raised me quite well, thank you. I bet you don't know how to curtsey to a Fairy, or have tea with a unicorn, or how to get a troll to agree with you while at the same time believing it's his idea all along. I have been GENEROUS with you. I've dropped so many crumbs I'm surprised your shoes aren't covered in pecking birds! HOW can you not know who I am?"
"Tell me you name, child," Dolores repeated, back to her syrupy tones. The girl threw her arms wide.
"Father! Mother! Bear witness to this, my victory!! I have worked fine mischief and my target is so incredibly dense, she doesn't have a bloody clue!!" A cacophony of hoots and screeches sent everyone jumping. From the eyrie, every owl boarded at Hogwarts came streaming out and soaring over the courtyard. People ducked as the flock circled three times around and flew back to their roosts. The girl lowered her arms and smirked.
"I win." She strolled forward, crackling with menace. Sybill hid her face in McGonogall's shoulder. The student stopped two footsteps in front of Umbridge and loomed.
"You are lucky I AM so generous, Madame Mole. Otherwise you would have been fed to the lake creatures after your first insipid attempt to take control of this school. It would have been SO inconsiderate to the giant squid. The poor creature would have had a HORRIBLE case of heartburn!" She hissed. Umbridge turned mottled purple again.
"MISS WILLIAMS!" Dumbledore thundered, arriving at the scene.
"Yes, Headmaster?" Miss Williams asked, still looming.
"You've had your fun. Now leave Professor Umbridge alone."
"As you wish, Headmaster," Miss Williams gave Umbridge a smile that looked a little too sharp, stepped around her and bowed formally to McGonogall and Sybill.
"With your permission, Madame Divinator, I would help you with your things."
"That will be fine, Miss Williams," McGonogall agreed as Sybill started trembling. The two women swept around Umbridge and headed back inside. Miss Williams followed behind, rapping Umbridge smartly upside the head with her wand as she passed. The sign collapsed into Umbridge's hair and melted into pink goo.
"Headmaster," Umbridge bit out. "Aren't you going to do something?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Professor Umbridge. Miss Williams is from a very OLD and POWERFUL family. To expel her over what amounts to a handful of harmless pranks would be seen as a terrible over reaction. I don't know about you, but I like Gringotts the way it is."
"She...must...be...punished!"
"I will speak to Professor Flitwick. As her Head of Household, he is the only one authorized to administer punishment."
"That is unacceptable!"
"It will have to do, Professor. After all, you are not the Headmaster here."
"Not for long," Umbridge hissed and stomped off, pink goo dripping down into her pink clothes.
-----
"Oh, Father, it was glorious! The look of utter SHOCK! I didn't know a mortal could turn such colors!"
"An excellent game, Jen, and you won straight out. I'm very proud of you." Jen's father smiled at her from the crystal. There was a garbled noise and he sighed. "Your mother would like to remind you to take whatever punishment is given with good grace and to NOT start any more games until the year is over and you can come home."
"Is it that bad?" Jen asked, face somber. Her father nodded.
"It will be much worse very soon."
"I can't warn them?"
"Albus has had all the warnings he needs. This is not our war, Jen-Ben-My-Len, and you will come home as soon as your finals are done." Jen sighed and nodded.
"As you wish, Father. And tell Mummy I'll be extra special good for the rest of the year."
"That's my girl!" Mummy called, just out of sight. Jen giggled, kissed the crystal and let it POP. A knock sounded on her door.
"Hey, Jen? The first years are clamoring for another story. Do you mind?"
"Not at all Etsy! Be right down!" Jennifer Carath, Princess of the Goblins, swung off the huge bed in her private room at the very top of Ravenclaw Tower and bounced out the door to entertain her housemates with tales of Fireys and Fairies and Noble Knights and Brave Steeds.
I think her punishment will be along the lines of a formal apology, written and stamped with the Ravenclaw seal and house arrest for the rest of the year. Pity Umbridge doesn't know about mirrors. (^_^)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-12-30 02:12 pm (UTC)Really?
Date: 2011-12-30 02:37 pm (UTC)Of course, this goes against my firm NO JARETH/SARAH SHIPPING, but I've had this stuck in my head ever since the OtP movie came out.
Re: Really?
Date: 2011-12-30 02:42 pm (UTC)I've thought of dozens of other stupid crossovers (remind me to tell you sometime about the crack-fest that was Iron Man / Labyrinth / Stardust / Dr. Who that my friends and I came up with in college. We wrote 2 chapters, laughed our assess off and then went back to real life), but for some reason this one never occurred to me... as obvious as it is.
Also, I ship the Jareth/Sarah so hard.