Dear Delilah
Sep. 30th, 2012 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
On September 30th, 2010, I lost my husband to a stroke. We had seven wonderful married years, which was not long at all. They were the happiest years to date. I saved him from himself. He helped me understand my eating disorder. He embraced my son from a previous marriage as his own and we had a daughter.
In the last two years, I have run the Gauntlet of Grief many times. There have been times I've wanted to slam my car into a tree, or over a cliff. There were days that ended in furious tears. Throughout it all, my children, my husband's family and my friends have stood by me, loved me, encouraged me and kept me from flying apart at the seams. I sought counseling when I was in crisis and was able to walk away when the time came knowing I had not only survived, I had grown stronger.
Two weeks ago I met someone. He geeked out over my son's Captain America shirt and we discussed super heroes while he made us sandwiches. By the time we left, he had my phone number. By the end of the week, we had spent two and a half hours getting to know each other over good food and good tea and I hadn't even realized the passage of time.
My husband and I started out as good friends that fell in love. We had to have our trial by fire and we came through with flying colors. I remember going to the movies with him for the first time in about nine months and I was bouncing along ecstatic that I had my best friend back. Our relationship progressed rather quickly after that.
I'm not ecstatic now, but I am feeling something very close to it. All of my other friends live 1-4 hours away, to have someone locally to play Starcraft and watch comic book movies with is something I have craved. Whether this turns into something more or not I don't know. But I think I'm willing to take that risk.
It's been a long, hard two years. I've been told it's high time I started dating again. What no one seems to realize is that I didn't really date my husband. I'm not sure what's expected of me. Still, if by "dating" one means "hanging out and having fun with someone", then I can do that. And I'm looking forward to it.
For seven years, my "couple" song was I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder by Edwin McCain. I'm not part of a couple now and I don't want to jinx anything. Could you please play Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters by the Indigo Girls for all my friends, including the one I just met?
Thank you and Blessed Be
In the last two years, I have run the Gauntlet of Grief many times. There have been times I've wanted to slam my car into a tree, or over a cliff. There were days that ended in furious tears. Throughout it all, my children, my husband's family and my friends have stood by me, loved me, encouraged me and kept me from flying apart at the seams. I sought counseling when I was in crisis and was able to walk away when the time came knowing I had not only survived, I had grown stronger.
Two weeks ago I met someone. He geeked out over my son's Captain America shirt and we discussed super heroes while he made us sandwiches. By the time we left, he had my phone number. By the end of the week, we had spent two and a half hours getting to know each other over good food and good tea and I hadn't even realized the passage of time.
My husband and I started out as good friends that fell in love. We had to have our trial by fire and we came through with flying colors. I remember going to the movies with him for the first time in about nine months and I was bouncing along ecstatic that I had my best friend back. Our relationship progressed rather quickly after that.
I'm not ecstatic now, but I am feeling something very close to it. All of my other friends live 1-4 hours away, to have someone locally to play Starcraft and watch comic book movies with is something I have craved. Whether this turns into something more or not I don't know. But I think I'm willing to take that risk.
It's been a long, hard two years. I've been told it's high time I started dating again. What no one seems to realize is that I didn't really date my husband. I'm not sure what's expected of me. Still, if by "dating" one means "hanging out and having fun with someone", then I can do that. And I'm looking forward to it.
For seven years, my "couple" song was I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder by Edwin McCain. I'm not part of a couple now and I don't want to jinx anything. Could you please play Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters by the Indigo Girls for all my friends, including the one I just met?
Thank you and Blessed Be
no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 02:28 am (UTC)I don't think it's "high time you started dating again." I think you shouldn't limit yourself based on the idea that "it's only been two years." Progressing through grief into acceptance and moving on is an intensely personal path that no one else should put a timetable on.
Enjoy playing Starcraft. Let it be what it will be, don't put pressure on it, and go with the flow.
I'm sorry I couldn't come up this weekend, but you soooo don't want to deal with two kids sick with what I had. And Barb really doesn't either.
Are you going to be down here next weekend for the October event? I have a towel warmer with your name on it, and if there will be enough room in your car, I will make sure to get it to Barb's so you can take it back with you.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 03:15 am (UTC)It was Barb who said it, and given her attitude at the wedding, I didn't mind the sentiment coming from her. She also classified "He paid for the food" as "It was a date." I will let her have her delusions and only growl when necessary.
Our going to Bermania before the October event is contingent on Barb getting the van. If not, we'll be heading to the venue directly from here. Go ahead and give her the towel warmer and remind her to deliver it. I will do the same for the loaned books. I've finished three and started four.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 05:00 am (UTC)Are you enjoying the books? I think we have 7 & 8 in paperback, but I believe we only have the rest in hardcover. In fact, we love the books so much that two Yules ago, for Craig's present, I hunted down hardcover versions of the first eight. Not an easy task, let me tell you. The first 4 or so were originally only released in paperback, then re-released as hardcover. You don't want to know what I paid for the set. But he's worth it.
Barb does (I believe) have the rest of the set in paperback, so you may be able to borrow them from her.
We'll uncover the towel warmer and get it out to the Reptile Ranch, with reminders to Barb to deliver it.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 03:27 pm (UTC)I'm LOVING the books. I'm on 4 right now. Zahde said she thinks she has 7 & 8, she'll bring them next weekend.
There are...14 now?
no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-01 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 02:47 am (UTC)