She finally succumbed.

made TWO trellises! I used the rebar I bought last year and two wire window planters that were lying around. I cut the planters so I could spread them mostly flat and used strips of leather left over from Wolf's SCA projects to lash them to the rebar. They sunk nicely into the ground and I planted cucumbers right next to them. I also planted a row of broccoli and watered everything. I forgot to do the Grow Dance from My Neighbor Totoro. I'll do that tomorrow, as Looooo and Handy BIL are coming over with a small chain saw to cut down the invasive trees and help me plant the azalea. I teased Mama A about it and she defended her actions, as I knew she would. I told her next year, just get me succulents or something small to keep on the dining room table, as I don't have the patience for demanding, high watering plants like azaleas. Or basil. She wanted the azalea right in the middle of my front flower bed. I am putting it in the back yard in the destroyed flower bed, because the front porch needs to be fixed and I will not allow tall plants next to the house EVER AGAIN. Azaleas around here can get six feet high or more if you're not careful.

IDK(Indestructo-kiddo) and I also got the house mostly picked up and swept, all the laundry done and he's doing dishes to earn television time. Cuteness is currently taking her turn to play Disney Infinitive 2.0, because she likes to decorate the Avengers Mansion. IDK likes to play the game.

I have eight bottles of wine for Memorial Day weekend and I will need to pick up lots of veggies Thursday after work. We're leaving Friday after work. I'm looking forward to it.

I'll be honest, LJ-land, the last few days have been the best I've had since Wolf died. I'm happy, I'm not beating myself up for being happy, Jazz has settled in as Our House Cat, which was the only thing missing. A boyfriend is no substitute for a cat. I'll have to remember that. (^_^)

Lovely weekend with Zahde. She baked lots and lots of cookies for decorating. I was happy to let half of them go undecorated due to the stress. So she decorated all the ones she was saving for Christmas and whatever my kiddos didn't decorate remained plain. She also made a coconut chiffon cake, panne cotta and chocolate Knox Blocks. Chocolate Knox Blocks are fudge jellies, delicious. Panne cotta I do not like by itself. My palate looks at me and says "Well, where's the rest of it? Why are you eating this straight? It needs to be on something!" Panne cotta works very well on chiffon cake. I suspect it would also work well on toasted items, or as part of a layer bar cookie or cream cake. My mind equates it to clotted cream with more flavor. Zahde can eat it straight.

Zahde also brought St. Nicholas to visit. Our shoes were overflowing with nuts, tangerines and chocolate Saturday morning. I was flabbergasted, as my understanding of the tradition was only one PAIR of shoes would be filled. Instead, EVERY shoe on the shoe rack was filled. It took me quite a while to empty out my sneakers, my duck boots, my pumps and my witchy boots. St. Nicholas was very generous to the adults, leaving fancy chocolate oranges. My kiddos had chocolate for breakfast this weekend.

So now I have a half a pan of chocolate fudge jelly, half a bowl of panne cotta spread, a third of a coconut chiffon cake, two gallon ziplock bags of cookies and a helping of lasagna. This is on top of the ham and turkey from Thanksgiving and the pork roast I made today for dinner. My fridge is full.

I'm also halfway done with Looooo's Christmas present! I'm proud of myself for sticking it out and getting to that point. I've also started my third hospital donation blanket. I'm trying a new pattern, we shall see how it goes. I'm also glad to be the only adult in the house again. I love Zahde dearly and she always brings/makes such wonderful food and keeps my kiddos entertained so I can sleep in. All that being said, I've become very insular this dark season. I crave solitude more and more, almost impossible given Mother of Two Children, but I manage to carve out what I can here and there. Making SLB leave really was the best thing for me. I wish he would let me go.

Tomorrow starts a 13 day work schedule for me. We shall see how I cope. Yay overtime?

There is a lot less stress when Cuteness is off with Mama A. Likewise, there's a lot less stress when IDK (Indestructo-kiddo) is off with Zahde. Two children together is stressful. Fortunately, I have electronic entertainments. I realize it's not healthy for them, but it's healthy for me and sometimes, that's what I need.

The Cure For What Ails You has aggravated my sore throat. Interesting.

Saturday went well. IDK and I got the errands done, I groomed Izzy-kitty five-six times over the course of the afternoon with the spiffy new flea comb and a bowl of soapy water to dip the comb in. I pulled off over 20 fleas. This is while the flea traps that FINALLY came in have only caught about five. Very interesting. She only tolerates a few strokes at a time, so it's an extended process. I shall groom her again today.

Today is tidying up and eventually lunch with Loooo. I've organized the ritual closet, again, and swept up. I still need to clean the altar and light incense. Then I will tackle the dining room. IDK has the kitchen (currently doing dishes) and the living room. I found winter hats for everyone and a hat-glove set for Cuteness. I now have two kiddo coats for donation. I have more errands to run after visiting with Loooo, so I'd better get cracking. I needed a bit of a rest after the ritual room. It takes a lot of energy.

Virginia is nice, except for the creepy forests glaring at me and the girl fountain statues wearing Ledger Joker expressions.

Army planning doesn't work for shit in the civilian world when your subordinates (minister, wedding party, parents) don't listen or keep your schedule. Also, don't expect guests to remember where they're going in a strange place. Make sure your venue knows where people are supposed to sleep. Total lack of customer service and Fail on the "Southern Hospitality". Do NOT tell a tired, cranky guest "I don't know anything about this event." and for gods sake apologize!

SLB and I STILL do not navigate the same way. I got to listen to a ten minute rant about how he didn't understand why I needed such trivial information as exit numbers, or in the case of this particular incident, how a junction is NOT the same thing as an exit.

The cabin was nice. It had a jacuzzi. I used it four times and thoroughly enjoyed it. It almost, but not quite, mostly make up for the NONSENSE.

The bride looked lovely. The maid of honor should NOT have worn a strapless dress. The groom looked dashing in his Army Class As. SLB looked very sexy in his dress clothes and vest. A jacket would have been nice so he could have given it to ME. It was chilly.

Avenger T-shirts for the Win. SLB is mostly appropriate as the Hulk.

Good food at the reception. Cupcakes for guests make more sense then a big honking cake. I will take that under advisement.

Most of the music was country or 00's pop. All the good music (ACDC, Queen, etc) were instrumental with violins and the like. It did not jive.

The photo booth was a good idea in general. I do not approve of stupid, silly pictures when I'm fighting for control. We did get a set of black and white pictures that were more elegant and appropriate.

I made it through the ceremony by the grace of Krishna, a nod from the White God (Jesus in this case) and a new friend.

I made it through the reception by keeping my back to the dance floor (they had me at the wedding party table, so that was easy), digging a plastic knife into my arm during the father/daughter dance and walking away. I spent most of the reception barefoot. I finally hit my limit about an hour before the end and asked to go back to the cabin and the jacuzzi. SLB decided it would be better to go walk in the woods. The dark, creepy woods.

Yeah.

We had an argument about that. I might, MIGHT have convinced him that loving someone and watching them walk away was NOT the same as losing a husband/wife to death or divorce. I also eventually convinced him that what is best for him is NOT what is best for me when I'm at my emotional limit. I went to the cabin, sat in the jacuzzi for a while and went to bed. He joined me a few hours later.

The drive home went well until we hit construction in PA.

All in all, I was the most stable at a wedding I've been. The med helped, the meditations and yoga ahead of time helped, the channeling helped and the leaving when I was DONE helped. So, overall, I'd say I accomplished my goal.

Now for October. Gods help me.

Another weekend at the lake house.

Another ritual by the fire pit while everyone else is either asleep or out on the barge. Last night it was in honor of the Full Moon, which we didn't see Friday due to all the rain. I stood next to the fire pit facing East, raised my hands and chanted "The Goddess is Alive", as I had spent most of Friday remembering the various goddess names. I felt the power surge around me as I watched the brightness behind the clouds grow. I ended the chant by clapping my hands, straight out in front and aimed at the moon and released the energy. The moon came out within five seconds.

(^_^)

Today a dragonfly came by and landed twice on my notebook and once on my hand. I was told by a passing grandmother that this meant good luck.

(^_^)

I am glad to be alive.

In my quest for Flowers, I have done the following in my front bed:

Spread three buckets of mulch.

Dug up what feels like a gazillon (probably only about 20-30) plants with the ugly purple flowers that are as common as dirt and may be a form of hosta but I don't care, they're ugly and I refuse to have any more!! (I still have a gazillon to go, the tubers are EVERYWHERE)

Planted the bulbs SLB potted in the house in one of the cleared sections.

Removed a lot of moss, dead grass and other assorted litter.

Tied back the rose bush to the porch w/orange twine.

This has amounted to about two hours of work spread out since Friday. My work schedule this week is four days, I'm off Wednesday, which is good because my counseling appointment is that day and I won't miss work for it. I intend to go gadzooks in the bed Wednesday while the children entertain themselves inside. This will not be difficult. I'll need more mulch, so I'm keeping the car Wednesday too.

Zhade & Kenshardik came down this weekend and were very gracious about me popping outside while they watched something I wasn't interested in. We watched two stand up comedians, the Top Gear River Nile episode, and had a lot of good chats. I introduced Kenshardik to Don't Starve. We'll see if he picks it up for his PC. My quiches were a hit, but the tomato and spinach one didn't carry over well the next day. There are no leftovers. I'm going to be taking rice balls to work tomorrow.

I'm still sore, but not as bad as I was. I am proud of what I'm getting done, as is SLB, but he claimed he felt bad his challenge was what motivated me. I assured him sometimes that's exactly what I need.

Pending work schedules and possible freezes, I hope to have the begonia and pack of assorted butterfly friendly bulbs planted in the next two weeks. Woot!

Weekend at my "family reunion" was lovely. Painful. Liberating. Humbling. Soothing. Exciting.

I will summarize.

Driving narrow, two lane, twisty roads over the hills and through the woods in the dark generates a special kind of adrenaline rush when one has been reading Lovecraft for the last two weeks.

My family loves me. They give me presents that are exactly what I need to process the anger and soothe Indigo.

FOOD!!!

Reiki energy work is intense, even when letting someone you cannot stand be the conduit.

FOOD!!!

I did a lot of fire-tending. At the Circle and in the sauna.

Animal dances!

FOOD!!!

The Greeks put on a great ritual.

Reiki energy work is even more intense when you let it circulate through you and accept the distance healing. I frightened one of the students when I gasped in pain. Then I cried. A lot. Then I fell over.

FOOD!!!

I tended the juice bar at the dance. I also walked the catwalk and lost the "Best Costume" to the Earth Spirit and her shovel dancing skills. Make of that what you will.

Vindication is its own peculiar joy.

FOOD!!!

I now have the Official Route and it's pretty, simple and takes about as much time as the other three routes I've taken.

Now for the details:

I learned my Mystery Stone is Unakite! Like the others, it's good for drawing out negative energy and helping one see beauty.

Two women said powerful things to me. Our resident MD thanked me for being alive. She is the only one who has done that. Everyone else would either ask me not to or say "I'm glad..." More often then not it was the "Oh please don't." That sounds to me like I have the burden of being their strength. I can't die because you don't want me to? Since when does what YOU want have any bearing on my decision? Think of my children? I AM thinking of them! I found them an excellent guardian!

The Sweat Lodge Diva, who, it turns out, lives in my neck of the woods!, asked me what I was worth. That shut me up. Worth? Do I have any worth? I needed to think about that and eventually admitted there were days when I felt I was completely without worth, having no value. She suggested I find my worth. Not to the kiddos, not to SLB or my friends or my family. Find MY worth. Find MY value in this life.

I admit, that seems a novel concept and one I can work with much more...intimately, then finding ways to pre-purge or developing "coping mechanisms". I will mention it to my counselor tomorrow.

Brother Nightfall suggested martial arts. Sweat Lodge Diva suggested an Anger Ritual. Both of these are good ideas.

T-ryn was my bestest best friend the entire weekend. She gave me a wonderful bracelet that reads "Hold On. Pain Ends." H-O-P-E. Get it? I put it on my right wrist Friday night and it's not coming off until I reach true Acceptance. She also gave me a hematite bracelet and a lapis lazuli bracelet. Those are on my left wrist. She also kept me company, took Cuteness on a canoe ride and watched me after both Reiki sessions to make sure I was safe. We rock purple spiderweb witch hats.

I'm still feeling the effects of the Reiki treatments. I was told after the first session I'm fairly healthy physically and it was the mental and emotional distresses and illness that were working against me. I was told after the second session energy was pouring out of me and the Master set up protections to allow only safe, healing energy to fill the empty spaces.

My throat is a little sore and my chest still aches from the 13 lb black dream cat that smashed into my sternum Sunday night. Gods, that HURT! I've never had a dream hurt like that, let alone wake up to the exact same feeling! It's gone from an acute ache to a dull, like a bruise. My skin's not marked, I suspect it's a chakra thing. I've opened myself up to healing and according to T-ryn, who belongs to Bastet, black is the color of rebirth. That's important. In Egyptian mythology, black is NOT the color of death. It is the color of rebirth. T-ryn also admitted I had scared her so much when I yelped during the second session she sent out an SOS. So, there ya go.

Work will be receiving a very edited version of the weekend. I need to go to bed.

Had a proper 20something experience Friday night, complete with my first tequila shot and four small glasses of Sangria. Walked home drunk. SNB does not believe that I was drunk.

Swam to the floating dock Saturday. Swam with a life jacket on and with company. Choked once when tipping dock drove Cuteness (also in life jacket) into my right side, thus throwing my balance off and taking a wave to the face. Water down nose AND mouth. Blech. Swam back to shore, again with company. Spent the rest of the water time either sitting in the shallows or on a floatie.

Cuteness swam her little heart out. She got to the point where she was happily paddling around in a life jacket and a foam noodle to the floating dock and back. C, L and SNB all gave her swimming lessons.

IDK caught about 8 fish over the weekend with his shiny new rod and snarled the line so badly twice it had to be cut and re-strung. Cuteness snarled her line pretty badly, but we were able to save it every time.

We went to a carnival. I am too old for the high g rides. Cuteness rode the gentle rides and was happy. IDK went on the bumper cars and was happy. We got shaved ice. It was good.

Finally got to play D&D tonight before we left. More on that later.

Was inspired for my Urban Fantasy Novel, wrote about 1 to 1.5 pages on my phone and various notepads. I have a lot of research to do. Really should finish Maybe You Should Have Stayed Home first.

Cuteness and I are sunburned. We forgot the sunblock. It will not happen again. Noxema cream, the original in the blue canister, is still the best thing evar for sunburns.

Cuteness fell asleep in the car. She doesn't DO that. She swam her little heart out. I'm about ready to follow her.

Urban Fantasy will NOT be posted in here. I will send chapters out for critiquing upon request or if you succumb to my begging and pleading for input. All chapters will be in Rich Text format thanks to MS Word's stupid incompatibility.

I'm very tired. I'm going to bed.

Okay, so it was actually the 6th when we got there. Friday was spent visiting his mom and his friends in Marathon, which turned into an engagement party about an hour before we left. Huzzah. I got to witness a surprise proposal live and in person. I love that. I hope it all works out for them.

So, Saturday we got the kiddos packed, us packed and hit the road, dropping children off accordingly. We brought my six man tent (I love that thing) as we knew Saturday night would be crowded. It was.

We got in an hour ahead of schedule (whoot), which gave us plenty of time to pitch our tent, dig out our swim gear and hit the lake.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of LJ, Queenie went into the lake.

At first I did the slide, which was scary until I hit the water, then it was scary because I was slipping on algae-covered rubber mats in waist deep water. Then I felt refreshed, as it was very hot.

Second time was a walk in with SNB. We got to the slide area, waist deep. My heart is starting to pound. We went to shoulder deep and I started shaking. SNB tried to coax me out a little further and I shut him down, explaining how very freaked out I was at that moment and I was not taking one step further out. Period.

"How about a floatie?" He offers.

C's family has a variety of inflated tubes and lounges and chairs. I picked a big blue and white tube, with mesh in the hole to hold you (and keep your butt safe from the fishies) two hand holds and two drink holders. Once I was in it, I felt very safe. So SNB towed me to the raft, which was next to a large yellow floatie that holds about eight people. I held onto the raft with one hand and chatted with people. I also worked my way over to the large float and chatted with people there. After a while I started to get a little dizzy. There were more waves at that point, thanks to the small power boats and jet ski riders and that wasn't helping. So I paddled myself back in.

I went out on the floatie four times over the course of the weekend. Each time I saw new people, I warned them that I was phobic, so please don't try and flip me. Everyone agreed I was being very brave. The last time I went out by myself, no SNB, and stayed out for a good while chatting and floating and paddling about. SNB saw me and waved from the shore. I did not see him, as I went out without my glasses and could only make out human shaped blobs in various colors. I was rather pleased when the fishies nibbled on my toes and heels. The fish are notorious for nibbling and males have it the worst, as nipples are tasty. There were several yelps and bouts of swearing when the guys were attacked.

The barge ride was worse. There was nothing at my back to keep me safe and I had no control over where the barge went. I sat very still. Watching the fireworks being shot off from opposite sides of the lake and exploding above our heads was nice. Having two drunk people stand up and start dancing was not nice. SNB and C both assured me the barge was very stable, I was not going to fall out and I would have to be pushed at least five feet straight back before I went in. I informed them their logic was no help whatsoever, but I appreciated the attempt.

More later, I have to go fetch kiddos.

Ju, SNB and I chatted while waiting for someone to tell us it was okay to go outside in the freezing out-of-doors (where there would be heaters of some kind). Ducky ran by and waved back at me. Sildar walked by, stopped to kiss Ju and I on the cheek, shake hands briefly with SNB and followed Ducky.

( The Clothes! The Ceremony! )

We all trooped back inside to the slightly warmer ballroom and found our table. Ju and Ash, along with Br (met at the bar) and his wife (whose name escapes me) were at our table. Huzzah! Cool people to sit with!

( The Reception! The Food! The Dancing! Did I mention the food? )

Sadly, SNB and I both kept forgetting to get pictures of us. I will bug Sil to send me any copies of us in the mega fuckton of pictures that were taken.

The reception ended with "Bridge over Troubled Waters" and an a cappella "New York, New York", started by Ducky's mom. I hid in the back of the crowd.

Sil made it a point to invite us to the Pub Crawl, which was starting soon after the reception. I have never been to a Pub Crawl.