It's worse when I'm alone.

[bloodsong1]

I have baking to do today. SLB has gone to work. I'm crying at charity walk commercials. I have Too Cute playing in the background so I don't feel alone.

I had to have an argument with myself, which resulted in me shoving Indigo AND Practical Rational into a small grey closet, just to have sex.

This is insane.

I'm really starting to understand why people turn to drugs and/or alcohol. It's HORRIBLE, feeling this way. There's this driving need to act out, somehow, someway, so the feelings will STOP. I want to be numb, but my brain won't let me. "You need to do this," says Practical Rational. "Let's go drive the car into a tree! That will help!" says Indigo. PR tries to shut Indigo up, Indigo screams, Angry gets involved and it's a three-way catfight in my head until I want to claw my throat to ribbons or put my fist through the wall.

Does any of this make sense? At all?

I really, really want to punch Wolf in the face, but punching a spirit will not give you the satisfying noise of bones breaking, nor will it split your knuckles so you can bleed for your sins.

I'm going to make fruit cobbler now and hopefully I won't have the desire to put my hand on the rack and give myself those pretty, pretty grill marks.

Comments

[b1bl10v0re]

*snuggles*
It does make sense. It really really does.

When I have those moments, those are the days that I push myself to and sometimes past my limits to the point of exhaustion with my kickboxing.

Please resist the urge to put pretty grill marks on your hand.

*snuggles*
I love you.

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I love you too.

[sheherazahde.livejournal.com]

I remember what it was like when I was crying every morning and every evening and most of the day. And begging the gods to just make the pain stop. That was a very bad time.

When I was in high school and feeling suicidal my friend Linda told me that it was OK to feel that way, just don't do it. And I took her advice. When I really wanted to kill myself to end the pain I just told myself that I could always to it tomorrow. Things are bad today but they might be better tomorrow. Just wait for tomorrow and see.

Time passed and I got better. I believe that you will get better too, eventually. This pain will fade. You will not always feel this way. You just have to take it one day at a time.

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

You're right, as usual. (^_^)

From my Black Pit of Despair to Yours....

[sammisnake.livejournal.com]

....lots of tissues. The wisest living woman I know- my sister, Melody, reminds me that tears are a reasonable response to unbearable pain. I buy tissues in the bulk pack-and though I cannot deliver right now, you know where I am if you need a box. Sometimes, for some whacky reason I don't really understand, it helps us people more to talk to each other than to the sane ones......don't mind me, I'll just sit over here in the corner sobbing, if you want to join me.
Seriously, because that, and tissues, are what I have to give you-just being there in that dark place with you.
And that means you're not all alone there......I love you.

Re: From my Black Pit of Despair to Yours....

[bloodsong1.livejournal.com]

Corners are best when shared. I love you too.

*sits down beside you and takes a handful of tissues*