It's worse when I'm alone.
Aug. 3rd, 2013 12:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodsong1I have baking to do today. SLB has gone to work. I'm crying at charity walk commercials. I have Too Cute playing in the background so I don't feel alone.
I had to have an argument with myself, which resulted in me shoving Indigo AND Practical Rational into a small grey closet, just to have sex.
This is insane.
I'm really starting to understand why people turn to drugs and/or alcohol. It's HORRIBLE, feeling this way. There's this driving need to act out, somehow, someway, so the feelings will STOP. I want to be numb, but my brain won't let me. "You need to do this," says Practical Rational. "Let's go drive the car into a tree! That will help!" says Indigo. PR tries to shut Indigo up, Indigo screams, Angry gets involved and it's a three-way catfight in my head until I want to claw my throat to ribbons or put my fist through the wall.
Does any of this make sense? At all?
I really, really want to punch Wolf in the face, but punching a spirit will not give you the satisfying noise of bones breaking, nor will it split your knuckles so you can bleed for your sins.
I'm going to make fruit cobbler now and hopefully I won't have the desire to put my hand on the rack and give myself those pretty, pretty grill marks.
I had to have an argument with myself, which resulted in me shoving Indigo AND Practical Rational into a small grey closet, just to have sex.
This is insane.
I'm really starting to understand why people turn to drugs and/or alcohol. It's HORRIBLE, feeling this way. There's this driving need to act out, somehow, someway, so the feelings will STOP. I want to be numb, but my brain won't let me. "You need to do this," says Practical Rational. "Let's go drive the car into a tree! That will help!" says Indigo. PR tries to shut Indigo up, Indigo screams, Angry gets involved and it's a three-way catfight in my head until I want to claw my throat to ribbons or put my fist through the wall.
Does any of this make sense? At all?
I really, really want to punch Wolf in the face, but punching a spirit will not give you the satisfying noise of bones breaking, nor will it split your knuckles so you can bleed for your sins.
I'm going to make fruit cobbler now and hopefully I won't have the desire to put my hand on the rack and give myself those pretty, pretty grill marks.
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From my Black Pit of Despair to Yours....
Date: 2013-08-07 02:23 pm (UTC)Seriously, because that, and tissues, are what I have to give you-just being there in that dark place with you.
And that means you're not all alone there......I love you.
Re: From my Black Pit of Despair to Yours....
Date: 2013-08-07 11:55 pm (UTC)*sits down beside you and takes a handful of tissues*